Marriage pressure in the 21st century? Is that still a thing?
From the perspective of ladies, it is! Until we talk to our male counterparts we can’t tell if they go through the same experience.
At the “ripe” age of 25, which is the onset of marriage pressure for a lady…
A lot of ladies suffer from emotional and mental stress due to marriage pressure from their parents, friends, and society.
What’s more surprising is the fact that some educated parents are also offenders.
“Lizzy, aren’t you too old to be single?
Or the nicer ones that try to make you feel bad or sympathy for them…
Jane, when will I have grandkids to play with, don’t I get to give anyone candies?
In the olden days, the major reason most ladies were coerced into marriage was….
“Your biological clock is ticking”
The biological clock is a term used to describe the period between a woman’s highest peak of fertility and her lowest point.
So when next you hear the word “your biological clock is ticking”
It means… your fertility rate is reducing.
This was the major reason young ladies received marriage pressure…
But thanks to technology that is no longer a valid reason.
With in-vitro & in-vivo fertilization, surrogacy, and other fertility options available, ladies do not have to be scared of a biological ticking clock.
Let’s not forget that God is powerful and he is capable of blessing women with kids at an older age.
Now that the issue of fertility is thrashed what then seems to be the problem.
Keep reading to find out…
Society pressure to get married
Most things we do, we were taught about them by our parents.
You had to go to school, brush your teeth, take a bath, be respectful to elders, and lots more.
As we grew older, we got to identify reasons to support our upbringing.
Ever heard of “popular opinion” – these are statements without a clue of their origin believed by a group of people.”
“You should get married before your 30″
I know a lot of ladies who would love to give a sarcastic response to the next person who tells them…
“You are almost 30, aren’t you getting married?”
But if they do, a lot of people will label them as “rude”
If that’s rude how about questioning people about marriage? That’s rude too!
It’s time to break the bias and get rid of the most popular opinions about getting married
That’s all public opinion, I have a life and I can make decisions too.
People are talking…
Other than eating, a lot of people can’t do anything better than talking with their mouth.
What would they say…
What they say or do is their business, I can choose to get married or not!
Every day, a lot of single ladies are reminded of the pressures by public opinion to get married before a certain age.
But have you stopped to wonder…
a. Has she met anyone?
b. Is she healing from a bad relationship?
c. Does she struggle with issues that make her close off to love?
If marriage is all about sex and children then people are doing it without getting married!
This shouldn’t be the case but it is…
That’s why the validity of getting married in the 21st century is highly questioned.
Why getting married doesn’t seem valid anymore
As an adult, you’re aware that people get married to start a family.
The concept of getting married is still confusing to a lot of people…
Especially with the rise of premarital sex, teenage pregnancy (baby mama and daddy), and cohabitation.
These were all benefits associated with getting married but now it comes without the marriage title….
Therefore what’s the need?
You hear questions like…
(i). Why should I get married?
(ii). What’s in it for me?
(iii). Together forever? That’s scary!
And the high rate of divorce doesn’t make things easier.
The major idea most single ladies have about marriage is…
“I better stay single than get married to face abuse, humiliation, infidelity, and divorce”
But the pressure to get married keeps rising from society, friends, and family members.
How can a single lady cope with the pressures?
5 effective ways to cope with marriage pressure
1. Build a mental safe room
A mental safe room is a mindset an individual develops- you choose what affects you and what doesn’t.
Unless you leave in a vacuum, people will always have an opinion about what you do and how you do it.
Some opinions might be harmless and filled with care
Others can be toxic and affect your mental stability.
The best thing to do is to build up the mental capacity to ignore, answer or delete certain people from your life.
I could have said certain words…
But removing the perpetrator of the action is much better.
Choose your mental health above any form of relationship.
To build your mental capacity, you need to be aware of:
a. Who you are?
b. Things you can tolerate
c. What are your boundaries?
d. Your values or principles?
Be real with your answers!
Don’t think about what other people want or what you think they care about.
Think about you, you must figure out who you are to build a mental safe room.
2. Get clear about your intentions
Ladies, you need to be sure of what you want or else everybody would suggest anything to you.
And guess what…
You will accept it!
You need to engage in a personal brainstorming session and be clear about your relationship goals…
(i). Do I want to get married?
(ii). Am I ready for a new relationship?
(iii). Is marriage for me?
(iv). Am I ready to be a mom?
(v). What characteristics can I tolerate from my partner?
Don’t slack on this! Get a book and get to work!
Once you are sure of your goals, the next time someone tries to pressure you into getting married…
You would know the right words or actions to say/do.
3. Talk to someone that cares
Sometimes, you are responsible for the marriage pressure in your life…
Oh! I can’t believe Sam is married…
Jen got engaged last week…
What about me?
This is accompanied by negative self-talk, pessimism, and self-hatred.
Marriage is a beautiful thing but it’s safer to go in as a mentally stable individual.
Married life comes with stress, misunderstanding, trials, and errors… therefore, you must be ready.
If you are responsible for the marriage pressure you are going through…
I recommend that you talk to someone…
As a Christian, my first recommendation would be God, but you can also talk to a therapist or a friend.
P.s your friend might want to give you advice because they care. But if you don’t need advice but a listening ear. Do well to inform your friend.
The marriage pressure ladies between the ages of 27-30 face is harsh…
I wouldn’t generalize and say all ladies face this but a great percentage do.
If you’re struggling to cope? Just know that you are never alone.
I hope this was a great help for you.