It seems like a high percentage of singles find the word “marriage” very scary.
This sounds weird, right? However, it is the reality. People want to fall in love, share their goals and lives with another party.
But when you mention the word marriage, they run in the opposite direction.
Now the big question is why does this happen?
Why do singles find marriage so scary about marriage?
These four words “will you marry me” have led to the end of so many relationships.
You hear excuses like;
- Why do you want to spoil what we have going on?
- We are cool the way we are.
- Commitment ruins everything
Is this really true? Does marriage mean an end to all the fun and joy a relationship comes with?
How different is a relationship from marriage?
Nowadays most people do everything a married couple does. So what exactly is the big deal?
What are singles running away from?
Nowadays, thanks to the introduction of in-vitro fertilization and other reproductive techniques people can have kids when they choose to.
Women no longer feel the pressure to have kids before 30.
They can single freeze their eggs till they are ready to get married or have kids through a sperm donor.
You hardly hear men or women sitting and talking about saying “I do” or walking down the aisle.
With the high rise of baby mamas and daddies. It seems like most singles have given up on the idea of marriage.
Everyone who dislikes the concept of marriage has hidden or outspoken reasons.
This article will talk about the possible reasons why many singles have given up on getting married.
What is marriage?
Marriage is an institution of love, understanding, learning, progress, and family.
However, this definition is no longer what occurs in the world. Everybody has a personal definition of what marriage is.
The concept of marriage is now a mere joke to so many people.
How?
A contract marriage
People that have no feelings for themselves but need to get married for a contract or business deal.
Really? This is someone’s life you are talking about.
Why use marriage as a deal binder that is devoid of love, peace, joy, and friendship.
Ownership marriage:
It is wrong for you to get married to someone because they have a child for you.
People do stupid and careless things including having sex with just anyone.
Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean your whole life has to come to a sudden end.
You have made a mistake, own up to it. Show up for your child but don’t settle with someone you do not love.
He/she is one of the good ones:
How do you know that? What exactly does one of the good ones mean?
Why should you marry someone that you have no attraction or chemistry? Cheating is definitely going to be a problem in this relationship.
He/she will change:
What? You will suspend and endure a disastrous flaw with the belief that they would change?
No!
Of course, we all have our weaknesses and so will our partners.
However, there are some flaws that are a big no-brainer. Some weaknesses are deal-breakers.
Let’s use a practical example;
In a business, if you want to sign a partnership contract with a company, however, several business analysts inform you that it is a huge loss for you.
Will you go into that business when you already know the expected outcome?
I know most people who say marriage is different, it is not a business.
Well, marriage is super serious hence, it requires the expertise of a lawyer to file for a divorce.
It is no joke!
You can see that a lot of people have mediocre views about marriage. It is a joke to so many people.
Let me just try, if it doesn’t work I will file for a divorce.
It’s like people now go into marriages with the second option of divorce in case anything goes wrong.
Marriage has lost its value and singles are not just trying to protect themselves from inflation.
Is marriage really scary?
Of course, it is.
Whether positive or negative, the entire concept of marriage is totally scary.
The fun fact is, “scary” can be positive or negative.
Why do the majority have a negative view, a minority actually have a positive view?
What is the negative scary view?
The negative scary view of marriage is the thoughts of abuse, cheating, heartbreak, and divorce.
Most singles have this mental view that almost all marriages end up in a negative way.
They believe that a lot of people are pretending and enduring in order to protect their status or children.
What is the positive scary view?
The minority are scared of sharing themselves with someone. The thought of always being with a particular person for the rest of their life is super scary.
You meet someone with a completely different upbringing, then you have to learn to endure their flaws and weaknesses.
The thought of sharing secrets, decisions making, and even childbearing is a very scary concept for this class of single.
Ask your friends and family members about their views on marriage. Watch out for their response and classify it between negative and positive scary.
Reasons most singles are scared of getting married.
- Divorce rate
The rate of divorce in the whole world today is alarming. Couples that you look up to and admire suddenly divorce.
This is scary for a lot of singles and a lot of them have made the decision to never get married.
It might sound lame to you but it is not.
It seems like everyone has been pretending. Couples who were so in love just end up treating each other like strangers.
This is enough to ignite fear. A lot of singles just want to protect themselves from future hurt hence, they say no to marriage.
- Abusive relationship
There is a saying that hurts people, hurts people, this is not completely true however it does happen.
An Abusive relationship is like a cycle that takes God’s help and a lot of therapy to heal.
An individual that recently comes out from an abusive situation might believe that every other person is just like that.
This thought becomes a subconscious reality that attracts the individual to abusive humans.
When the individual finally receives an intervention. They make a strong decision to avoid marriage like a plague.
Although their wounds are no longer bleeding, the scars are still evident.
- Parental influence
Most times children consciously and subconsciously emulate their parents.
The first role model of a child that introduces them to the world of adulthood is their parents.
Most children grew up in broken homes.
A house filled with nagging, quarreling, fights, maltreatment, and other negative things.
At an early age, most kids might choose never to marry anyone. In order to protect themselves from experiences, they had while growing up.
- Past experience
Past relationships can also be a reason why most singles are scared of getting married.
Honestly, I think parents should educate their children at an early age on dating.
You might feel like they are too young but the truth is, they might already be aware of it.
Why don’t you be the first to teach them about it? So many children and teenagers have experienced bad breakups that they can’t seem to recover from.
For this reason, they build up a very harsh law to protect themselves from harm.
Laws like they will never get married or fall in love with anybody.
At an early age, they already have a negative scary view about marriage.
- Unresolved myths about marriage
All marriages end in divorce, most people are just pretending, everyone cheats.
These may be popular views about marriage however, that doesn’t make it true.
Whenever people generalize a particular concept I ask myself one question ;
“Do I also do this”?
If my answer is no then I know that the majority is wrong.
You can’t vouch for people but you can definitely vouch for yourself.
Even if you lie to yourself, the truth is, you know that you are lying.
- Fear of losing freedom
This is a popular myth about marriage that makes a lot of people scared. A lot of married couples complain about their loss of freedom after marriage.
Marriage is not a prison, what freedom exactly?
Some ladies/men have gotten married to autocratic partners. I’m sure this is where the myth originated from.
Marriage is more like a democracy, it’s not monarchy or autocracy.
Conclusion
Does the thought of getting married or falling in love with someone scare you?
Are your views negative or positive? Whatever they are, no one is judging you.
You are simply trying to protect and defend yourself. Marriage can be sweet, loving, and annoying.
Your fear is understandable, however, don’t let past experiences and the majority view determine your future.
