REASONS WHY PEOPLE RUSH INTO MARRIAGE.
When you were young, your parents thought us how to focus on our education and practice good life and leave anything relationship, but there comes a time where this parental guidance will no longer be the primary thought as you grow older,
hence the feeling to become a mother and have the special companion around you becomes very necessary, sometimes you see your peers already in the state you imagine to be, so what runs through your head when you plan to get marry and you have not seen your spouse? are you already married and wondering how you got in so early?
Today let us look at some of the reason why people rush into marriage
- Unwanted pregnancy
- Family Pressure
- Your age mates have gotten married or friends’ pressure
- Physical appearance.
Older adults get irrational while choosing a life partner. People tend to have their dream husband while growing up, for example having a fantasy marriage, the type of person they want to settle down with, qualities they will possess, how many kids they will have in the marriage. Everybody has different motives for getting married, some look for physical appearance while others look for inward appearance.
Dreams don’t always go as planned when a lady finishes university and no serious man come her way, all the fantasy will fade away, she will only be thinking how to hook a man just to answer married woman and sometimes if she considers herself too old to marry, she will go after any man that comes her way just to be married. Though there are few that really know what they want the majority of ladies will do otherwise especially in the developing world where they depend on their parents for virtually everything for survival.
I was discussing with a lady one Christmas, she said she doesn’t mind having anybody as her husband, as far as the person is a man, even if he is poor, rich, short or tall it doesn’t matter. I suggested to her that she supposed to hold on to something, at least have a few qualities of what she wants before getting married, she said because I won’t understand what it means to have countless sleepless night due to this issue, the most night her pillow will be soaked with tears out of frustration and she can’t even count the insult she has received for being single. Her prayer was answered, she got married but shortly after she divorced and still single to date.
Marriage is not a do or die affair; don’t dwell on it and give yourself life, keep adding value to your life, at the right time, your husband will locate you. Marriage cannot make you whole.
Most people engage into marriage because they notice they are pregnant and don’t want the general public to know, or to avoid the baby being called bastard while growing up, and some people take it as a sign that they should get married, knowing fully well that both of you are not meant for each other and you went ahead and got married for selfish purposes. Marrying with this condition can bring disaster in the marriage if there is no love, before you know it both of you will be separated. Being pregnant is not a guarantee for both of you to exchange vows, don’t just get married because you are pregnant for him or for your selfish reasons, keep a clear mind of what you want in an opposite partner and stand by your choice. Both of you can play a significant role in the life of your child even though you are not married.
A seventeen-year-old girl named Stella got pregnant with her boyfriend, after disclosing the information to her boyfriend, he started avoiding the girl. The girl on the other hand was trying to avoid shame, she wants both to figure out the next solution, but her efforts prove abortive. One day the girl notified him that she was coming to see him, he left the house for the whole weekend, he kept calling his neighbor’s to know if she has gone, the girl slept on his door for the weekend, as soon as the girl left he came back. After much pressure from people and advice to marry her, he obliged with the pressure. There was no peace, no love, no happiness in that marriage, the man uses her as a punching bag. The marriage did not last more than three years, they got divorced.
Don’t marry because of circumstances or sympathy, reach an agreement with the person to take care of the baby, and maintain your promise. Secondly, while engaging in any relationship and you are aware you don’t like the opposite sex and have no intension of getting married, exclude sex in your relationship to avoid unwanted pregnancy. Only a few people that go through this kind of ordeal will bounce back, put their life together and start afresh while some will be shattered by this for the rest of their life. Though mistakes happen but don’t allow it to define you.
YOUR AGE MATES HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED (FRIEND’S PRESSURE)
Marriage is not a competition; our destinies are different. Some people are meant to marry early in their life while some middle age and others later in life. Don’t compete with your friends because you will marry anybody all in the name of marriage. Marriage is not a relationship you can jump in and out if it doesn’t suit you, it takes a lot of processes because it involves two families now.
Don’t rush in taking the decision to get married, it is the biggest decision of your life, take your time to process some information, ask for God’s guidance, and favour in making this life decision. Friend’s pressure can make you be too vulnerable in a relationship to the extent that opposite partner will notice it and capitalize on it, you will see yourself jumping in and out of a relationship, you will be a victim of use and dump because it will be very easy for you to open your legs in other to make relationship works. The issue is that you are destroying your relationships. You and your friends could be mate, but the journey of life differs, don’t do things because others do, wait for God’s appointed time because he is the one that gives a perfect match.
John went and married just because his friends declared intension of getting married. John has never seen a girl marry or have the intention of getting married but as soon as his friends raised the issue, he thought they are getting married immediately, he rushed under three months find a girl and within 8 to 12 months, he completed both traditional and white wedding. John got married but the question now is, is John happily married? John’s marriage did not last more than five months, and he is now single. Some people might do that, and it will work for them because all destinies are not the same. His friends are still searching for their life partner while all this happened. Take your time in searching for a life partner.
FAMILY PRESSURE: Most families pressurize their children to make a big life choice. The pressure could be verbally, emotionally, or polite.
- Verbally: In some families, once a child gets to a certain age without marriage especially females, they will be treated as an outcast. Their freedom of right will be ceased in their father’s house, everything they do irritates them, that’s why you will see some mother telling their daughter to leave her property alone and go to her husband’s house. They will torment the person until the person decides to marry anybody in the name of marriage to have peace of mind, sometimes the person will end up not finding peace of mind.
One woman was calling her daughter names because she took her soap to wash clothes telling her to go to her husband’s house because this house will not contain both of them if she doesn’t leave her house and husband alone, the mother continued “the only thing you know how to do is to eat, have you ever contributed anything in this house? all your mates are in their husband’s house, some have four children while others have two and you are here dragging my house with me, you think you are getting younger”.
Even if you are single, find something to do with your life, no matter how small. Don’t depend on your parents.
- EMOTIONAL: Some parents play with their children’s emotions by engaging them in conversation, telling them how this or that person got married. My neighbor came back from traditional marriage, as soon as she came back, I was sitting with her daughter in the sitting room, she came directly to us and said to her daughter, I was coming back from the traditional marriage ceremony, the girl was very young, you are older than her, very soon she will start having kids of her own, oh my God she is so lovely, very young and happily married, the daughter did not say anything, she just kept quiet because she knew where her mum was dragging the conversation.
- POLITELY: This is when parents indirectly use marriage on a daily basis pretending to have a normal conversation, but they know exactly what they are doing.
MONEY: Some girls love money more than anything. In marriage, money is not the ultimate but love, patience, humility, honesty, trust, Selflessness, communication, and God-fearing person. These are the priceless things in marriage money cannot buy, it will give you inner peace. Money is good but doesn’t use it as a pillar or priority in choosing a life partner. What is the need of marrying a rich guy, but the marriage is lacking inner peace? Some men will make sure they provide for the family but their presence will be very scared thereby living the family especially the wife in perpetual agony, those people are very arrogant because they believe material things have been provided for the family, why are you still disturbing me, while some will say you are nagging. Be very careful in choosing money over your happiness.
Joy is a very materialistic person, she changes clothes anyhow but her mother never asked her how she manages to get the money to purchase those things since she is not working instead she encourages her and despise her older sister because their mother thought that Joy will be her source of living by the time she gets married. As time goes on, when it’s time for Joy to get married, suitors were coming but none of them meet her standard, but it didn’t stop her from collecting the little ones they had knowing fully well that she doesn’t have any interest in marrying any of them. At a point, she started dogging them and her mother helped her to cover her whereabouts. When it’s too much for her, she left the city for another one. A couple of months later she came back and started educating us that money is not the ultimate in marriage if you love the person, not knowing she was pregnant already. She later married, within one year of marriage things got worse she hardly eats with her kids not to talk of wearing clothes, at a point she stopped coming to visit her mother because she doesn’t look good, to make the matter worse her husband beats her each time they have a misunderstanding, throw her things outside, when they settle she will come inside the house, this has been her story for a very long time.
Marry your friend and not material things because material things can vanish, but friendship can give you inner happiness, love, and security in your marriage even when you don’t have enough in the house, you have something to hold on to.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: Most ladies and gentlemen look for outright beauty in the opposite sex as their main yardstick for getting married. If he/she don’t possess’ certain quality, they will not marry because they want the person to look well presented for public gathering and for their children to look beautiful.
Don’t marry because of physical appearance, it will not always be like that till your old age, beauty will fade, and sometimes slim girls will be putting on weight. Marry because of the inward beauty, what drives the person, if you get physical and inward beauty in one package, it will be awesome but if not, better marry inward beauty because it will never fade. The beauty will follow you till your old age and your home will be peaceful all the time.
Marriage is a good thing but gets worse when you chose the wrong person, remember it’s a lifetime thing, don’t rush into marriage to avoid rushing in and out of marriage. Take your time in selecting your life partner. Pray over it to make the right choice because marriage is not like courtship or friendship. Once children are involved, the bond will be there forever. Ask for God’s help and guidance in making this lifetime decision and be wise in choosing your life partner.