10 signs of low self-esteem with tips on how to improve
I have been awfully curious about the signs of low self-esteem. I kept wondering what exactly are the signs of low self-esteem? How can an individual identify low self and how can one improve?
The most important sign in identifying low self-esteem is evident in the way you treat yourself. If you don’t appreciate yourself, always feel like you don’t deserve better or you are constantly pleasing people. These might be some of the signs of low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is a very versatile topic that everyone is talking about. There are some articles and publications on how to deal with the signs of low self-esteem.
Although this article will contribute ways that can help identify low self-esteem. It is majorly focused on how to identify the signs of low self-esteem.
You can’t solve a problem when you don’t know what it feels or look like.
This article will equip you with the tools you need to identify the signs of low self-esteem in any disguising form it might come in.
Low self-esteem meaning
Before we move into the signs of low self-esteem, let’s paint a mental picture of what low self-esteem actually is.
Let’s take a practical example of a lady named Esther. She is a very beautiful lady who was invited to a party by her friend. She put in lots of efforts to look her best and after the makeup, hairdo and putting on her clothes she looked in the mirror and thought to herself “I look absolutely stunning”
Esther left for the party but immediately she arrived, she felt ugly, undressed, stupid, and out of place. She almost didn’t leave her car but when she did all eyes were practically gawking at her.
She immediately starting panicking as there was absolutely no level of confidence in her. Throughout the party eyes were on her, some people even complimented her appearance however this did not calm her nerve.
30 minutes into the part, she left in a hurry claiming that she had a job emergency.
This is quite a lengthy definition of low self-esteem but it constitutes the signs of low self-esteem. Hence it is a perfect descriptive way to explain the concept.
Key facts and lessons from the example
- Esther is a beautiful lady suffering from a severe form of low self-esteem
- Making comments in front of a mirror might be therapeutic only when you actually believe what you say.
- Most times what we think people see isn’t actually correct.
- Self-denial is the destroyer of peace, sanity, and happiness.
Self-esteem is a personal perception of yourself. The word “self” basically means “you” and “esteem” is primarily “worth, identity”.
Self-esteem is therefore your point of view about your worth or identity. It is the notion or idea you have about yourself.
Causes of self-esteem
- Parental factor
- By-product of bullying
- Environmental factors
10 signs of self-esteem and positive self-help tips to cultivate
We can define people-pleasing as different acts done to stay friends with them.
Among the different signs of low self-esteem, people-pleasing can easily top the rank. People pleasers have absolutely no respect or regard for themselves as long as they please other people.
People pleasers do everything to suit the needs of others. They do absurd things just to stay friends with people who constantly abuse, humiliate and hurt them.
A person with low self-esteem believes that people will only care or love them when they do their biddings. This is a wrong and narrow perspective; a person that loves you will listen to your opinions.
They will not treat you like you are begging for their time and attention.
If they can’t love you with your flaws and weaknesses why then should you? Must you always be the villain while they play victim even when they are wrong?
All these acts of people-pleasing are potentially damaging to your mental health.
Briefly take this test to know if you exhibit little or extreme signs of people-pleasing.
Do you always apologize in the relationship even when the other parties are wrong?
Are you always doing their responsibilities when you have yours to take care of?
Who checks up on the other parties regularly in the relationship?
Who planned the last date and always remembers important dates?
Did you deliberately search for the signs of low self-esteem?
If most of your answers are yes, then there is a high possibility of you being a chronic people pleaser.
If your answers are a blend of yes and no. Then you are a perfect blend of someone trying to make their relationship work by overlooking certain flaws or your partner, friends, or family.
Tips to improve
Say sorry when it is necessary
Apologize only when it is your fault if you did nothing wrong. Then, there is absolutely no need to apologize to anybody.
There is a thin line between choosing yourself and being selfish, as well as choosing others and being a people pleaser.
You need to find a balance, not selfish but definitely not a people pleaser either.
Time to take a bow and leave
If you are the only one fighting to keep the relationship afloat, I strongly advise that you take a break. If they notice and decide to pick up the paddles, then they genuinely love and care for you.
However, if they barely even notice or care, then it is time to say goodbye to them without looking back.
Inability to stand up for yourself
It feels amazing to have someone who stands up for us once in a while, there is nothing wrong with this.
The problem arises when we always look for someone to speak up for us and we become dependent on someone to defend us.
On days when the person is not available, what will happen. Let me guess; you will let people disrespect and humiliate you because your spokesperson is not available.
Another possible scenario is, what if your spokesperson suddenly becomes an enemy. What then will happen to you?
An individual with low self-esteem lets people do hurtful and demeaning things to them without any words of defense in their favor.
I know there are certain times you just want to ignore people to avoid a conflict. But the truth is the rain will always fall into your house if you have a leaking roof.
The leaking room in the example above is your inability to stand up for yourself.
Until you can clearly state what you like and do not like. You will continually be a wastebasket that accepts anything without complaint.
Tips to improve
Be your lawyer
If someone wants to blame you for something you didn’t do, no matter if others believe you or not state your disapproval.
In a law court, some cases are won while others are lost, don’t accept the blame when you are not at fault.
The fact that no one believed you last time doesn’t mean no one will ever believe you again.
Lawyers lose cases but that does not stop them from accepting others and winning them.
Bid farewell to that mindset that always tells you that no one will believe you.
Lack of principles
One important sign of low self-esteem is a lack of personal values and principles.
A person that believes that anything and everything is acceptable for them.
No matter how free-spirited you are, there are some things that people do that are way below or above your values.
Every individual with some degree of confidence has set values and principles that guide their life. Not everything works for them, some things are a big no or a very big yes.
A person without principles or goals might end up as a people pleaser.
Tips to improve
We are all different people from diverse backgrounds with distinct upbringing and temperament.
What Mr. A likes might be a complete no-brainer for Mr. B. This is the distinction and uniqueness that comes with the world.
We might have several characteristics that are similar to friends, partners, or families.
There are some personal values, that form the core and foundation of the different choices we make every single day.
Try to find the things you really love and really dislike, this will form a foundation for your values.
I think a lot of people have gone through this phase of self-hatred, a period where you feel disgusted or irritated by everything about you.
As crazy and heartbreaking as this sounds, this is normal for so many people in the world. Daily, they use hurting and demeaning words on themselves.
They constantly remind themselves of their flaws and weaknesses. Self-hatred is a very toxic sign of low self-esteem; it can lead to further harm.
A person that hates himself or herself, will expose themselves to a toxic relationship, life-threatening activities, and no degree of self-care including personal hygiene.
I personally cannot imagine living life in a body that I truly hate. How can you cope or function when you hate yourself?
There is a verse in the bible that says can two work together except they agree.
How can you function in a body you hate? This is definitely a hard way to live.
If you have experienced this? How did you cope? Please share your experiences in the comment section I will love to discuss them with you.
You might offer a piece of advice that somebody out there really needs
Tips to Improve
Self-hatred is a really extreme way to live and I honestly wish no one gets to live like this.
However, it happens and people continuously live with self-hatred for years. I think it’s about time you engage in a reconnection with yourself.
Try to think back on when this started, what triggered it. The major root of the issue might just be the tool you need to be free.
Of course, going back memory lane will hurt a lot, but if you are willing to give it a trial.
You might likely be taking the first step towards your total freedom.
Meditation will take you back to some really dirty and hurtful place in your life.
It would remind you of how weak you were and how you let people disrespect you every day. It will reveal a lot of hidden mistakes that you properly buried in layers of self-hatred.
My lovely readers, my only advice to you is, try to forgive yourself.
Holding on to the pain will only bring guilt, heartache, depression, and more intense hatred. Learn to forgive yourself rather than hiding emotions and pain.
Need for constant perfection
There is no one perfect in the world and that’s what we ought to know. Everyone is perfectly based on what their definition of perfection is.
This is completely different for an individual with low self-esteem, they constantly seek perfection.
They do this not for themselves rather they believe it’s the only way people will actually recognize or acknowledge them.
A simple book out of place or an ink drop on a book can be a very big deal to people with low self-esteem.
They imbibe this character in their love life, families, and other relationships. The perfect word to describe this set of people is extremist.
Tips to improve
Be kind to yourself
It is a good thing that you can discipline yourself to achieve your tasks and goals.
However, when all you seek is perfection in order to impress others, it becomes unhealthy.
Try to show kindness to yourself when you make little mistakes. At some point in life, all humans make mistakes including those you are trying so hard to please.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling upset when someone uses harsh and hurtful comments on you.
Sometimes we feel bad when people close to us use really harsh words on us. This is completely different from being overly sensitive.
I have a friend that is extremely sensitive to every single word. We are always cautious around her because we do not know the next statement that might get her upset.
A sign of a low self-esteem individual is their ability to read meaning to every single thing.
If you say something mean around them, they instantly store it in their minds. Despite how much you apologize or try to explain that it was a joke. They will never believe anything you say.
Tips to improve
You don’t always have to be serious
There is no award presented to the most serious person in the world, try to relax and have fun.
Your friends might not mean what they are saying probably they are simply trying to rile you up.
Anyone that has a clique of friend will understand that friends do this a lot. Try not to take what they say seriously else you might end up hurting yourself.
The signs of low self-esteem are evident in the little and daily things we do.
I hope the signs above are enough pointers to aid in identifying if you exhibit low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is responsible for crippling dreams, limiting success stories, and stopping people from achieving their goals.
Don’t give low self-esteem the power to rule your life, take back the reins of your life, and live with as much confidence as you can muster.