10 reasons to avoid comparison in your relationship
I want to ask a quick question before talking about this topic.
If it was better why did you break up?
Do yourself and your relationship a big favor, whenever you want to compare your present relationship with a past one.
Just ask yourself the question above and please ensure that you answer the question.
How do you feel when someone compares you with another person? Or better still if you made your hair together with your friend however someone compliments her hair without a second look at you.
At that moment how do you feel? Be truthful. Let’s share our answers in the comment section below.
Sincerely I would feel a bit bad especially if the compliment comes from someone we both know. If it a stranger, I might not even give it a second thought.
I mean we both just made our hair. Why didn’t I receive a compliment too? If we can get upset when we are side-lined how much when we are compared.
The truth about life is, every action has a reaction. Even silence is a reaction after all there is a popular saying that “The best answer to a fool is silence”
If we can tell ourselves the truth about how certain actions will affect us. We will not treat others the same way because we know we can’t handle it.
The majority of people who compare their spouse with an ex cannot handle it, if their spouse does the same.
Comparison in all forms excluding academic purposes is wrong. There is a general saying that comparison is the thief of joy.
If you are on the verge of comparing your spouse with an ex. It will kill the joy that comes with the relationship and you will be left with total unhappiness.
All relationships are not perfect, forget the picture-perfect scenarios movies sell to our minds.
And social media where people portray a good image of their relationship which is not always as it is inside. It is not real; in real life, you face challenges that you can put a pause sign-on.
Despite how imperfect our relationship may be, there are other uniqueness that comes with it
Never give in to comparison, it will lead to the ruin of your relationship.
Reasons to avoid comparison your in relationship
- You can’t handle it either
If you can’t handle comparison, why do you think your partner can. Don’t dish out what you cannot take, it is totally wrong.
However, if for some weird reasons, you can handle comparisons. Then that’s great for you but not everyone is like you.
Not everyone can bear the feeling that comes with constant comparison.
Although I haven’t really met anyone that loves comparison or sees it as a means to grow. But if you are someone like that, just always remember that not everyone can handle it.
For the vast majority of us who cannot handle comparison. It is very important that we don’t engage in any form of it.
Don’t make jokes with it, quit praising your ex whenever you have a fight with your current partner.
- It is wrong
No matter how defensive you may sound, comparison is wrong in all angles. It’s like asking chicken why it can’t fly and a parrot why its eggs are not edible.
In the human population, these two birds are quite popular. One provides food while the other serves as a form of entertainment or comfort.
They are both birds of different species with different characteristics. We love them for the distinctive features they exhibit.
Comparing these two birds excluding academic purposes is wrong as they cannot do the same thing.
This is exactly how it works in our relationship. All humans have different characteristics, even twins, triplets, and quadruplets all have different behaviors.
Don’t measure Mr. A with Mr. D. Humans are not mathematical problems that need formulas to derive an answer.
We are much more complex than a tough calculation in quantum physics.
- It’s a form of disrespect to the relationship
If you compare your present spouse with an ex. You are completely disrespectful to your spouse and the relationship.
You are simply saying I prefer my past to you, or my past relationship was so much better than yours.
If someone tells me that they prefer my past over me, I will definitely feel hurt.
Has someone ever compared you with a past relationship? How did you feel? Did you feel disrespected?
I would love to hear your opinions in the comments section below.
In one ever form the comparison comes, just know that you are disrespecting your partner and the relationship.
A person might be able to handle disrespect for a long period of time. However, the relationship cannot handle it. This results in a strain in the relationship which may potentially lead to the end of that relationship.
- It is toxic
If you are a consistent reader of my articles, you should be aware of what I say whenever the word toxic is mentioned.
“Run” yes that is the word.
A toxic relationship is potentially damaging for your mental and physical health.
A lot of research has shown that unstable mental health can lead to physical health challenges (heart problems).
Not only does a toxic relationship make you sad but it also destroys your health.
If you constantly compare your present with your past. There is no easier way to say this but you are quite a toxic partner.
That’s the truth, if your past was so great why then did you leave. What led to the breakup that you couldn’t fix it?
If you’re gifted in the act of comparing your past with your present. I strongly advise that you stay away from relationships, don’t be a toxin in someone’s life.
Definitely, there will be unpleasant events that will take place. It will surely trigger your talent of comparison hence, don’t date at all till you have decided to work on your weakness.
- You miss out on the good
How will you see the “great things” in the present when you busy appreciating the “good” in the past.
No matter how amazing your present relationship is, you will not fully appreciate it. Till you stop comparing it with the past ones.
Every relationship has ups and downs, good and bad, sweet and bitter. That is just the way it is, you need to completely let go of the good you have in the past.
If you want to think about the past for any reason, it should be to reminisce on the lessons you have learned.
This should be done with an open mind.
If your weakness in the past was comparison, then you should know that any form of comparison in this new relationship might be detrimental to its survival.
Choose to focus on the good in front of you. However, you cannot see it, if you keep looking back. The only time cars drive backward is while reversing and it isn’t the most comfortable thing.
It is sweeter to ensure the ride while driving forward. Say goodbye to the past and welcome the future with enthusiasm, love, and understanding.
- Unrealistic expectations
I once had a friend that said he will change the girl he wants to date to suit his taste. However, he will not be willing to change for her.
As narrow-minded as the pattern of thinking is, this is exactly what we do when we compare our present with our future.
We are creating unrealistic goals that may never come true.
If your ex was highly invested in the public display of affection(PDA) and a lot of photos but your current partner isn’t. This should really not be a cause for comparison.
With all the PDAs and photos, you still broke up. So why exactly should that something to fight over?
- It yields bitterness
If you like chocolate ice cream but every time you go to the mall all you ever get is vanilla ice cream. At some point, you will get angry and totally upset.
In a relationship where you keep remembering how spontaneous your ex was. And how static your present partner is, you might end up feeling bitter.
Minutes and hours of comparing your relationships will yield no positive results. Your ex won’t come back because you broke up and your current partner will not instantaneously become spontaneous.
When you want something and cannot get it, you feel sad and bitter. This is exactly what awaits you when you keep comparing your relationships.
Bitterness arises from lack of satisfaction; a bitter partner will definitely yield a bitter relationship.
- Breeds unnecessary anger
Have you ever had an experience with someone that got angry at a very unnecessary event?
Anger is justifiable sometimes however, in some scenarios it is completely unnecessary.
If you make it a habit of comparing your partner. Every little mistake they make will get you angry, you no longer feel the need to tolerate their flaws or weaknesses.
Comparison leads to anger which breeds quarrels and eventually the end of a relationship.
There is really no positive benefit that comes with comparing your relationship.
- Makes your spouse feel worthless
When you were younger, how did you feel when your parents or guardian compared you with some other person??
I’m sure you felt bad, hurt, worthless, and incapable of doing anything right.
The moment someone compares you, there’s this feeling of “not being good enough”. It is a dangerous and potentially toxic feeling.
This is exactly how your spouse feels when you start comparing your relationships.
At that point, your partner starts asking rhetorical questions that they have no answer to. Questions like;
- Why is she/he with me?
- Am I such a bad person?
- I guess I’m the cause of my last breakup
- My ex was probably right about me
- Why do my relationships never succeed?
Whenever you start comparing your relationship, remember that you are pushing your spouse into the feeling of worthlessness.
- You don’t know everything
Your ex is posting pictures of his new girlfriend on social media. They are going on vacation, he bought her a new car, he engaged her with a diamond ring.
That’s good for them, it’s picture-perfect.
However, let me ask you some questions;
- Are they happy?
- How do you know?
- Does he hit her?
- Do they have issues?
- Why don’t they post their fights?
People will only post the picture-perfect except in extreme cases. That’s exactly what they are doing, they are posting the happy and joyous moment.
Focus on your relationship and the happy moments it comes with. Stop dwelling on your past, strive forward with your present partner.
If this article was a little bit hurtful for you, I am totally sorry I’m just trying to help.
Comparison yields nothing but pain, sadness, and every opposite word of happiness.
If you don’t want this for your relationship, I strongly recommend that you give up all forms of comparison.
Make the decision to focus on what is right in front of you and not on something or someone you left behind.
It takes two to tangle, relationships cannot work when one person is busy dwelling on the past.
For a relationship to work, all hands must be on deck, both partners must work together to ensure they achieve a successful relationship.