10 tasking but effective ways to move on
“Move on from what exactly? I’m sure that the question you are asking right now.
There are so many experiences we have encountered or are probably still encountering.
These experiences may be challenging, frustrating, and totally draining. These are the circumstances you need to move on from.
The truth that most inspirational authors fail to state is “moving on is also tasking and challenging”
If you have ever watched a motivational video on YouTube or read an inspirational book. You will discover that most authors fail to state that this process isn’t quite easy.
Here’s the truth and the formula I use to move on
“There are two kinds of pain, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret”
This is a motivational quote I found on Pinterest and I hold on to it when I need to move on.
Choosing to remain in that situation because it’s hard to move on, leaves you with the pain of regret. However, if you choose to move on, you face the pain of discipline.
The choice is strictly yours to make. If someone makes this decision for you, I doubt if it will be effective.
What exactly does it mean to move on
Let’s engage in a little practice to easily understand this concept.
Are you home lying on your couch or bed? Stand up, place your feet on the floor and walk to another part of your house.
This is exactly what it means to move on. It means taking a stand and deciding to walk away from things or people that are toxic to your physical, financial, emotional, and mental health.
I can list over 1000 things that are super frustrating and energy draining. These are the things and people you need to avoid like the plague.
Reasons people can’t move on
Before we talk about how to move on, let’s briefly discuss the reasons why people can’t seem to move on.
For instance, you are standing in the middle of the road and a trailer is approaching.
But you refuse to move when you are very capable of walking. Have you seen the movie Ella enchanted, you will have a better understanding of the picture I’m trying to paint?
The inability to move on is exactly like the illustration above. The danger is fast approaching but you don’t want to leave the danger zone.
This might sound crazy or even stupid but the fact is there are so many living their lives constantly in the danger zone.
They have the ability to leave, however, they just can’t seem to be able to leave the danger zone.
Fear of the unknown
If you have ever spoken to a lady in an abusive relationship. This is their famous line “what happens if I leave” how do I take care of …, what about my kids?
Most of these questions are valid but I have a question of my own. At that point are those questions really valid?
Ladies, please let’s discuss this concept in the comment section.
Is it okay to keep asking questions when you are still in the middle of danger?
Let’s go back to our earlier illustration. You are in the middle of the road and a trailer is approaching. Instead of moving out, you start asking questions like who is the manufacturer of the trailer? Or how much it takes to buy one.
These questions do not matter; you are right in the middle of catastrophic danger. What you need to do, is to move on before answering all the relevant and irrelevant questions.
Moving on will give you the time and space you need to make rational decisions.
Most people suffer from the inability to decide to move on. No matter how hard they try, they just remain stuck in the beginning all over again.
Let go back to our illustration, you are standing in the middle of the road with a trailer approaching. Instead of moving out of the road. You stand there trying to weigh your options.
There is not enough time to weigh your options. That trailer will crush you if you don’t leave the road.
The indecisiveness of so many people is the major reason they can’t move on.
Their thoughts are unstable, it’s like;
I know I should leave him, or should I? I love him, do I? She will miss me, no I’m certain about that.
Your thoughts are conflicting. The only advice I can give is, think of yourself while making the decision.
Your mental, emotional and physical health should be the triggering force of your decision.
I thought hard about the name to give to this kind of friends and I couldn’t think of anything better than “fake friends”
No real friend will leave you in the middle of the road for a trailer to kill you. They will push you out with as force they can muster.
If they can’t do it alone, they will beckon for help and try really hard to save you.
The keyword here is “try” there is only so much they can actually do for you. They can try to save you only if they are aware if they aren’t they can’t.
Your friends can only push you out of the road if they are present with you at that moment. Hence this factor has so many limitations.
The limitations do not make it less effective, there are so many people who can attest to the fact that their friends were part of their redemption.
If your friends gossip all day long but provide no solutions when you ask for help. I think it’s time to get new friends, you don’t necessarily need to stop hanging out with your present friends.
You just need to make more friends that can actually be more helpful. Don’t forget the popular saying that “a friend in need is a friend indeed”
4 benefits of moving on
There are effective benefits that are associated with moving on. Here are some positive reasons you need to move on.
A chance to make a plan
Most times, it is hard to make a plan when we are stuck right in the middle of difficult situations.
The only plan one can make while in a toxic relationship is, where do I go from here?
Just like in our illustration, the person cannot make a feasible plan when they are right in the middle of danger.
When we move on from negative or toxic situations, we give ourselves a chance. A chance to make better decisions, create workable plans and achieve all we need.
Our freedom is inhibited when we choose to remain in that situation. Moving on is a very great way to experience our freedom.
When circumstances or life challenges restrict us, this is really bothersome. The only way to be free is to make the move away from that crippling situation.
If we love ourselves, we will choose our freedom by moving on from toxic relationships.
It’s hard to think of our personal health when we are living in an unhealthy environment.
The more toxic our environment or relationships are the harder it is to think straight or logically.
It is a known fact that our mental and emotional health affects our overall well-being.
When we move on from bad and unhealthy relationships, we get to appreciate ourselves better.
We learn to love our self and engage in activities that improve our mental and physical health.
It is hard to see or experience the positive side of life when we are living with the negative.
There’s a saying that “all our visions of a better life are on the other side of our comfort zone”
So many people have become very comfortable living with toxicity. This is totally unhealthy and potentially damaging to your health and overall well-being.
When you move on, you open the doors for better and more beneficial relationships that are productive.
10 ways to move on
Change cannot happen in a static environment. You need to make the choice to move for a change to take place.
My lovely readers, nothing happens till you decide to effect a change. Wallowing in self-pity and rejection cannot make a situation better.
However, you can make the choice to move on from that situation. It is a hard but beneficial choice to make.
After making your choice the next step is to leave the toxic relationship.
This is the hardest part as most people have no money, no work experience, and absolutely no idea of how to survive.
Now the question is how exactly do I leave. Most developed countries have temporary homes where people can stay for a while.
Make your findings. Once you have made the decision to leave you also need to source money. Especially if you have no family or friends to stay with while you figure out what next to do.
If you already have friends, you can ask for their help.
Don’t hide your emotions
Moving on can be extremely hurtful, therefore there’s absolutely no need to hide how you feel.
Pent-up emotions can further lead to mental and emotional stress. If you feel sad, unloved, upset, anger try to find logical ways to Express your emotions.
Don’t lock up emotions and bury them within, it might consume you.
Get professional help
There are so many talented therapists in the world. If you need someone to help you go through the process, I strongly advise that you seek the help of a therapist.
They are well trained and equipped with the knowledge and experience to get you through the process.
Engage in activities you love
As you move on, you need to show love to yourself every single day. Spend time to do the things you love, appreciate and compliment yourself.
Read self-help books
There are so many books on self-help written by professionals or people who have actually been in relatable situations.
Get books that relate to your situation. Not everything might be important, however, you may pick something that might be helpful in your journey of moving on.
There is a saying that “if you think knowledge is expensive, try ignorance”
My simple advice to you however is, “ignorance is super expensive and not helpful”
Don’t try ignorance, stick with knowledge it offers more benefits.
Talk to friends and family
If you have friends and family that can understand your situation, I encourage you to talk with them.
Sometimes it is helpful to view your situation from a different point of view.
Socializing can be tasking but also fun. You might have no idea how willing people are to help unless you get close to them.
Try to make new friends, go to events and activities that make you feel happy and relaxed.
Join a community
If you find it extremely hard to move on all by yourself. I strongly advise that you find a relatable society.
It could be a group of 2-20 people, a number that you feel comfortable with. In this community, you can learn from people’s past experiences.
How they made the choice to move on, the first step they took, and how they achieve it.
Please be extremely careful when choosing a self-care group. Ensure that your beliefs and core values align before you make the choice to join the community.
Choose your happiness
Every single day, ensure that you choose your happiness above every other thing.
Don’t let anyone make you unhappy, always choose your happiness and peace.
The decision to move on is totally ours to make. If we want to live better and attract better, we need to make this choice.
It is good and important to love others. But how can we love others when we can barely understand what it means to love ourselves.
Most people make the mistake of using people to heal. I.e. their ability to move on lies in the hands of others.
This is a potentially damaging way to live if the person leaves or gets tired of you. What happens then?
We need to make this choice to move on no matter how hard it may seem. This is the only way we can truly heal and make better relationships.