The power of silence is hard to explain, that’s why most people can’t seem to understand the concept.
You are probably wondering how exactly can the act of keeping quiet exudes power?
When you are quiet in an argument or quarrel, you have time to listen before you speak.
There is a popular saying that;
“You can take a nail out of the wall but you can’t remove the hole it created”
If you apply this statement to the concept, it simply means that staying quiet in an argument can save you from pointless apologies in the future.
It is possible that the issue might not be your fault. However, during the course of exchanging words, you might say things you don’t mean and end up scaring the individual for life.
A typical example is between parents and their kids;
Let’s say a child did something awful that made his/her parents upset. As a parent, the wisest decision should be to stay quiet for a while and think.
It could be for a few minutes, hours, days, or even a year. When you don’t think about your reaction to your child’s misbehavior you might use extreme actions.
You might say hurtful words like “good for nothing, useless, and other words that might affect your child’s future.
You might ask how? If you call a child “good for nothing” or “useless” then they might believe you.
Your kids may register these thoughts in their subconscious mind;
- My parents think I’m useless,
- the world doesn’t need me
And they will grow up to become adults with low self-worth.
What is silence?
Silence is the act of staying quiet or refraining from speaking – Instead of replying to a person when you are hurt or angry. You completely refraining from this act in order to monitor or streamline what you may say.
However, in some cases, you might stay quiet for a few seconds in order to think carefully about what you want to say.
Silence is a powerful weapon that can save you from a lifetime of hurt and regret. Even the bible says a foolish person is considered wise when he/she learns to stay quiet.
The next time someone is livid or extremely angry and says harsh words. Do not respond.
If you respond to the individual at that moment, the truth is, nobody is actually listening.
You can work out from the scene if you are older than the person, but don’t engage in verbal combat.
Use silence as your only weapon, it might not seem like much but it is the best decision you can make.
How to apply the power of silence in an argument?
To apply the power of silence in an argument, you need to possess a high level of determination.
It takes an extreme amount of self-control to stay quiet when someone is using abusive words on you.
Once someone uses harsh words on you, all you want to do is return the favor instantly. However, if you want to use silence as your defense mechanism you have to learn to ignore people.
Use these 5 steps to apply the power of silence in an argument;
- Ask yourself this question “should I really respond”
If someone walks up to you and says “Raph, do you realize how stupid you are?”
Of course, you would love to give him/her 16 reasons why they are the stupid ones.
However, if you are practicing the power of silence, you can’t do that. Instead, your response should be “silence” until you can gather your thoughts.
Why your mouth utters no response, your mind should get to work and do some thinking.
- Am I really stupid?
- Do I really need to respond to him/her?
- If I respond doesn’t that mean that I actually believe that I’m stupid?
At this point trust me you will be so focused on answering the questions in your head to actually listen to what the loud person has to say.
- Think carefully about your response
If for any reason you want to respond, your very first question should be;
“Why will you say that” ensure that you ask this question in a very calm and polite manner
I’m stupid? Why will you say that? What did I do?
That should be the only response you give to the individual.
An angry person that is screaming and raining abuses on you will not expect such a response.
In the heat of the quarrel or fight, that should be your only response.
- Being quiet doesn’t mean stupid
There is only so much we can handle; we are humans we all have our limits. If you keep listening to the person, how sure are you that you won’t react?
Except you have built this skill for years there is a high tendency that you might snap and lash out.
The fact that you chose to stay quiet doesn’t mean you are stupid. However, staying at the scene to listen to all the provocative words can be a really stupid move.
- Be determined
In life, you cannot achieve anything without determination. You need to believe that you want something enough to invest your time and energy in it.
Make a personal decision to stay quiet despite how annoying the loud person might be.
- Success is sincerely moving from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
At the early stage, you will make mistakes, there will be days when you just can’t stay quiet. You need to forgive yourself on such days, don’t beat yourself and feel down.
Rather inspire and encourage yourself to keep working hard to achieve what you need.
Don’t forget that practice makes perfect so keep practicing to stay quiet in a conflict.
Can the art of silence in arguments be learned?
The act of silence is a skill that takes years of practice and conscious effort to actually learn.
There is a popular saying that “Rome was not built in a day”
This simply means that it takes consistent efforts and hard work to achieve your dreams and goals.
Staying silent in different life challenges can save you from unprecedented events and occurrences.
This is a skill you can learn; however, it takes patience, determination, and a lot of practice.
Choose to stay silent in an argument and experience the power that comes with it.