8 WAYS TO STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP
If beating up yourself can solve the problem and resolve the situation you face then I strongly recommend that you continue in this act however if you have discovered that beating up yourself yields no positive result rather it makes you feel worse then you definitely need to give up that attitude and stop beating yourself up.
Almost everyone in the world has beaten up themselves for a particular reason at a specific point in their life. Most times it’s actually hard to avoid beating up yourself especially when the situation is not exciting.
Since this toxic attitude is a quite common attitude we all need to seek ways to avoid the need to constantly beat up ourselves.
Life comes with a lot of challenges, every day may bring up a different kind of pressure but if you continually beat up yourself for every little error that happens you might be able to appreciate the good that also occurs.
We will look at what it means to beat up oneself, attributes that show that you constantly beat yourself up, and some practical ways to deal with beating up yourself.
What does it mean to beat up oneself?
To beat up oneself simply means to constantly activate the inner critic within you. Your inner critic is that little voice in your head that never celebrates your achievements, that always seeks to search for the fault and flaws in your ideas, that humiliates you whenever you make an error, that fills you with all manner of discouragement whenever you want to work on your dreams.
When you are beating up yourself, you are simply believing everything the inner critic says. You do not argue, complain or caution it instead you hold fast to all its ideologies and accept it as your reality.
A lot of people suffer from the repercussions of beating up themselves, they lack self-confidence, self-esteem, or courage to defend themselves when others trample upon their rights.
Your inner critic can never encourage you to be better at what you do, it can never bring up a solution for that flaw is pointed out, it can never resolve the issue it noticed so why should you listen to it.
To the best of my knowledge letting the inner critic have control over you(beating up one’s self) has only led to so many negative effects such as:
1. Self-hate: A person that has developed self-hate can never see the good in anything they do, they are their worst critic. They look through every single detail of their daily activities and try to make themselves feel worthless regularly.
They hate their appearance, the sound of their voice, never accept any compliment and believe other people are always better than them. Do nothing to improve their skills are talents because they believe that they were born to always be beneath others.
2.Anxiety: This particular set of people worry about every little thing I.e their looks, their clothing, their makeup, the way they speak, the way someone looks at them. They are completely over-analytical, they worry over the tiniest detail.
Most people that suffer from anxiety are always scared of the unknown because they believe it always comes with more negative happening.
They have no hope for a better future, they analyze the worst-case scenario happening to them every single time and this is a really dangerous habit.
A lot of people keep working hard because they believe that their future will be better but someone with anxiety already pictures negative events for their future.
3.Depression and other forms of mental disorders: When all you think about is the occurrence of negative effects how do you expect to be happy?
Depression is an extreme form of sadness that most people suffer from in the world, it is linked together with other mental illnesses that are capable of halting a person’s life for years.
A friend of mine that was diagnosed with depression explained that the feeling is really dark, lonely, and sad.
According to her, it is the worst possible sickness to go through, you might be present at a party with a lot of loud music but you still feel totally alone. She further stated that the more happy people seem around you, the more you feel alone and with time it progresses to sadness.
A few years ago my friend went through this depressing state for a long time, I’m grateful that she is finally out of it.
4.Suicidal thoughts: If you believe that nothing good will come out of your life then the next thing most people result to is suicide. For them, it is better to end your life than stay in hell when you already have a glimpse of it.
Daily, people have suicidal thoughts, not because they chose to rather because they beat up themselves too much that suicide seems like their final resort.
5.Inhibition of one’s creativity: This applies majorly to artists who engage in some form of art, music, dance, writing, or other activities that requires one’s creativity.
If you constantly criticize your work without patting yourself on the back for a job well down then you are bound to slowly deteriorate in your performance until your creative side weakens.
From the above-listed effects, we can clearly see that beating up oneself does not have any positive effect on one’s health.
There are so many reasons why people beat up themselves, it could be because they have bad grades, or are broke, they compare themselves with others, single or lonely, sick, or just completely irritated by their personality.
How to know if you beat up yourself?
These questions should be able to help you determine if you beat up yourself, acknowledge your mistakes, feel bad about making them and try to look for possible solutions.
If you fail a test or scored less in an examination how do you react?
(a) I cry really hard and long when I’m done crying I search for a lot of food to eat.
(b) I’m not really surprised, I was kind of expecting it after all that’s all I good at.
(c) I can’t believe I failed, I will have to put in more effort.
If your laptop gets bad on the night before an important presentation how do you react?
(a) I will be shocked for a long time and I might break down. Why tonight of all nights?
(b) I will start asking questions like; why does God hate me so much, why is my life filled with sadness and why does the universe takes away anything that gives me Joy.
(c) I will call my friends up immediately and ask for help. I might spend the night over at my friend’s place without sleep to finish the presentation.
If you lose a loved one that really cared about you?
(a) I will cry a lot and probably lose my appetite for some days.
(b) I will wonder why the universe takes away the good ones and leave irrelevant ones like me. I will ask for an exchange, with me gone and the person restored to life, no one will actually care if I’m dead or alive.
(c) I will be hurt, I will try to stay away from my friends for a while however I will move on after the pain slowly fades away.
If you had a bad experience like; robbery, an accident, or loss of job what would be your reaction.
(a) I will feel so sad, I might cry a lot but I will also think about the next step to take.
(b) I knew this will happen, good things don’t last that long for me. I don’t deserve a chance at happiness and I’m fully aware of that.
(c) I will feel really bad, speak to friends about it and try to find a solution.
|If most of your answers are A you are probably are a very emotional person.||If your answer is a combination of more B than A then you probably beat up yourself a lot|
|If your answers are mostly C then you are likely to learn from your mistakes and search for solutions.||If your answers are random then you are quite an indecisive person, your emotions are scattered.|
8 Ways to stop beating up yourself
If you have noticed that you exhibit the characteristics of someone that beats up themselves regularly, try to add these ways to your daily activities as it can help you combat your inner critic.
1.Be your number 1 fan: In life, if you constantly wait to seek approval from people then you are bound to beat up yourself. What will you do when they are too busy to notice you or probably when they feel like your work is no longer what they appreciate.
If you are doing a particular thing ensure that you do it well, not because you want to receive approval from people rather because you want your number one cheerleader(I.e you) to be very proud and happy.
Decide to cheer yourself up even when people look down on your work, pat yourself on the back for even trying.
- Make a caricature of your inner critic: This is time to get really creative with your imagination, have you watch the movie “Grinch” make an image of your inner critic that looks funnier than grinch.
Whenever it starts criticizing you just imagine what it looks like and have a loud laugh. It’s just like princess Sofia screaming at King Kong how hilarious is that.
- Give yourself positive remarks every day: Most people don’t give themselves positive remarks, all they have is self-hate comments that can cripple them every day.
Try to add positive remarks to your daily routine everyday, motivate yourself with encouraging words. You don’t need to wait for people to give you positive feedback do it for yourself first and others will reciprocate.
- Respond to your inner critic with a negative remark: When your inner critic starts feeding you with self-doubt and a lot of self-hate comments ensure that you are fully prepared with the right comeback.
Don’t just cower and accept all it says respond in a silly or mocking manner, do not let your inner critic steal your chance at happiness rather steal its chance of fulfillment by responding to the critic.
- Write about the qualities you like in yourself: There are certain things you love about yourself and that should be your focus, starve your negative attitude and constantly feed the qualities that make you happy.
- Remind yourself that bad things happen to good people sometimes: Sometimes unexpected things happen to good people and that is exactly how the world is.
Don’t feel extremely bad because some unexpected things happen to you rather understand that sometimes bad things happen but they do not define you or your future.
- Do you really need to be the best at everything: This is a question that most people need to ask themselves, do you really need to be the best at everything or you are just trying really hard to impress everyone?
Whatever your answer may be, you should be the best you can be per time. Don’t try to please people and displease yourself, in everything you do ensure that you stick to doing your best in every task you are faced with.
Always remember that there is a big difference between being the best and doing your best.
- Stop comparing yourself with others: Feeling depressed is a constant in so many people’s lives this happens because people tend to compare their achievements with other people’s successes. While people’s successes might be a good motivation, it is totally not acceptable to judge yourself based on the achievements of other people.
Most times we beat up ourselves for things that might seem very painful at the moment but in the nearest future, they might become almost irrelevant to your growth.
Don’t beat up yourself over situations you have no control over however if you can control the situation then search for effective ways to resolve the issue rather than sulking and beating up yourself.