It’s not a secret that jealousy is a negative but strong emotion. It is the driving force behind so many inhumane acts that people do today.
Humans can plan for the elimination of their fellow humans; family members can also hurt each other because they are jealous.
Jealousy is always attributed to evil, hurt, pain, and negativity. However, could there be a positive part to jealousy?
A weapon like jealousy can be used in a positive manner.
Think of it for a second…
Instead of feeling down or upset about someone’s progress, why don’t you feel motivated?
Getting angry about someone’s progress cannot boost your account balance or improve your skills. However, if you take proper steps to watch and learn from them, you can upgrade your life.
A change of perspective in the way you view jealousy can lead to a gradual but consistent change in your life.
If jealousy has so much power? Why is this power used negatively?
Can you also use jealousy to achieve positive results? If yes? How can you do this?
What brings about Jealousy?
There are so many reasons people get jealous and most times it is hard to control it.
Jealousy can be that little nagging thought in your head that says “why her/him, not me”
It is that slight feeling of sadness when something good happens to a loved one but not to you.
The funniest thing about jealousy is, most times you might be genuinely happy about the fellow but you can still feel that nagging, unsettling feeling.
What situations can cause or trigger jealousy?
There are so many things that can make someone jealous, here are the two major causes of jealousy.
If your colleague gets the promotion or makes a presentation that receives a standing ovation.
Or perhaps your friend gets a better job while you are stuck with a less-paying position, this might lead to jealousy.
You feel like they are leaving you behind and moving forward to achieve greater heights.
Although you might celebrate with them and say congratulations with a big smile. The truth is, as long as you are asking this question “why not me” then you are jealous.
Being jealous is not the problem, the major problem depends on how you use this emotion.
- Feeling left behind
Nobody likes feeling left behind, whether it was intentional or not it is not a great feeling.
For instance, two friends working in the same organization apply for a promotion. One gets the promotion while the other one gets nothing.
At first, you might feel bad but also happy for your friend’s progress.
However, when your friend gets moved to another office on the top floor and perhaps starts hanging out with people in that rank.
You will feel hurt and left behind, this will definitely trigger jealousy.
How can you use Jealousy positively?
Jealousy is highly toxic, but when used correctly it can actually be useful and beneficial.
Now the big question is how? How can you use jealousy in a positive manner?
Identify your emotion
There is a popular saying that ” a problem shared is a problem half solved”
In this case “a problem identified is a problem half solved.”
You can’t cure or remedy any situation when you have no idea about the problem.
The first step to take in order to use jealousy positively is to identify the problem.
For instance, if you feel a little bitter when your friends get the promotion not you, what do you do?
You need to ask yourself certain questions and ensure that you answer truthfully.
Questions you can ask include;
- Am I upset about his/her progress?
- Is there a reason why I am upset?
- Do I feel more deserving of the promotion?
- Is this jealousy?
When you find out the answers to your questions, you can easily identify the emotion.
Find your trigger
After identifying your emotion, you need to find out what triggered the negative emotion.
Triggers are actions or events that made you jealous of a particular person.
This is completely from identifying the emotion. For instance, if you discover that you are jealous the next thing you need to do is find your trigger.
This is the point where you answer the “whys”
- Why am I jealous?
- Do I feel more deserving of the promotion?
- Why can’t I be genuinely happy about my friend’s progress?
- Do I feel so sad?
The key to discovering the right answer is to tell yourself the truth. There is no need to lie, you need to be completely sincere with yourself.
Pause, have a rethink and re-strategize
It’s a step-by-step process! If you missed the first two steps, I advise you to go back and carefully complete each step.
The third step requires three major actions, the first step is to pause.
Beating yourself up because you feel jealous cannot help you overcome jealousy.
The second action requires you to think back about the situation from a neutral point of view. Remove yourself and your friendship from the point of focus.
From a neutral point of view, you can think clearly and see hidden actions that you didn’t notice.
Finally, the next action is to re-strategize, this simply means creating a plan. How do you plan to use this emotion?
Jealousy is not something you can get rid of with a snap of your finger, you need to have the plan to use it in a positive or negative way
If you have made the decision to use Jealousy positively after the first three steps.
The next thing to do is ask questions either directly or indirectly.
We may not feel comfortable about sharing our feelings with people. Therefore, an indirect approach is a better option.
Ask people, if they have ever been jealous of someone’s success, ask them what they did and how they overcame it.
If you feel a little bit skeptical about asking people you know?
Then write down the questions on a book, they look for books online or you can purchase hard copies that answer the questions.
There are so many books available online or offline that can give you the answers you seek.
Pay close attention
Pay close attention to the person winning and learn from them.
How do they complete tasks, how productive are they, and how does she get new clients every weekend? What is her secret?
If you are not paying rapt attention, you may miss out on the most important piece you need.
Ask for help
There is nothing wrong with asking people who we feel are doing better than us to help us.
To learn, you need to bid your pride farewell!
Jealousy should be the motivating power that propels you to learn.
Consistency matters a lot, if you want to be good at what you do, you need to learn the skill of consistency.
If you learn but do not practice, you will still remain at the same level.
Jealousy is a negative emotion that can ruin friendships and relationships.
However, when used correctly Jealousy can yield a lot of positive results including growth, self-improvement, and success.