Importance of effective communication in marriage
Is effective communication really important?
Let’s take a trip down memory lane, I guess this was the beginning of the whole marriage process?
He got down on his knee looking dashing but nervous. Fidgeting as he struggled to get the ring out of his pocket.
His speech was overflowing with heart-warming and captivating words.
Then he popped the question!! Will you marry me?
You sat back watching the scene reveal itself. With a smile, you happily agreed with your positive reply.
Your marital life started with communication. Specifically, a dialogue where he asked a question. And, you gave your answer.
This was the beginning of the whole marriage process.
Now you are seating in your counselor’s office.
Crying that you don’t understand what is happening. However, the truth is you do.
You know exactly what is happening and why he stays away from you all day long.
The exact reason she’s giving you the silent treatment but the problem is you have forgotten why.
Consequently, children, jobs, events, and life happenings. Have made you forget a very important aspect of your marriage.
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and depressed.
This forgotten piece in your marriage that is making everything sour is the lack of effective communication.
I have heard a lot of people say love and trust is the most important factor in marriage.
The effectiveness of communication
But how about communication?
How can someone know you love or trust them without verbal or non-verbal communication?
Effective communication is as important as love and trust.
The lack of communication has led to the ruin of so many marriages.
Studies have shown that most couples in marriage counseling sessions complain that they don’t communicate anymore.
“He doesn’t listen to me”, “she won’t talk to me”
Have become the major sentences couples tend to make in counseling sessions.
Furthermore, the foundation of marriage was built on a dialogue between two people.
Is communication really important?
In the world today, We cannot understand each other without communication.
Everyone will completely focus on what they want to do and struggle to achieve it all by themselves.
And possibly keep failing at it when someone close by can easily assist them.
In essence, communication has made life easier, projects achievable and connected people together all over the world.
How much more in our marriages?
Communication strengthens bonds between partners and even the children.
You can’t magically know a person’s likes or dislikes without any form of communication either verbal or non-verbal.
Also, communication has saved so many marriages.
Simple words and actions have become the backbone that strengthens certain marriages that were close to falling apart.
Let’s take a practical example that happens almost every day.
A couple is having an unresolved problem.
It is getting really hard to settle since all their discussions end in more resentment and quarrel.
They decide to see a marriage counselor and what does the counselor do?
He or she listens to both parties and search for a common ground where a potential communication can spring forth without quarrel or argument.
This can be the first step to their reconciliation process and that marriage might have a shot at redemption.
Types of effective communication
Is communication really just through words?
I don’t think so, I believe that words are just a section of communication.
Communication goes beyond talking, Silence treatment is also a form of communication.
It differs for each partner. i.e the effective communication style of one partner can be totally different from that of the other partner.
According to Gary Chapman in his book the five love languages. There are several ways to communicate with your partner that are more efficient and effective. They include;
· Word of affirmation
Those little words of encouragement, care, and love. Matters a lot to your partner that enjoys verbal expression of communication.
Just giving out gifts to communicate your feelings to this class of person will not be completely effective.
Acts of Service
Have you noticed her mood when she’s trying to make breakfast, feed the kids, and pack their lunch bags?
While you just sit down to watch her or even hurry her.
If you have such a partner, you can communicate by helping her out with chores without her asking. If she asks for help, try to help out and not pick a fight.
I know you are like really?
Yeah, your partner might love your touch. He or she feels neglected or not effectively communicated when your touch is absent.
Don’t starve such a partner, feed them regularly with your touch. Holding hands and little kisses can be very effective
Total undivided and uninterrupted attention is the effective communication mechanism for some partners.
They just want you around them to talk to them. Listen to them even when you feel it’s unimportant. Spend quality time with a partner that craves your attention.
Most men can testify that their wives resume speaking to them when they got her a gift to appease her feelings.
This is totally different from materialism. It is her love language and it the perfect and most efficient way to communicate with her. So go ahead and get those stuff she loves and communicate your feelings to her.
Importance of effective communication
Effective communication is built on honest communicating skills.
It leads to a happy and healthy marriage completely free from cancerous marriage killing factors like abuses, violence, hate, and nagging.
One of the keys to a long-lasting marriage is open communication.
A marriage with approachable partners that are willing to make out time to regularly communicate.
And deliberate about certain happenings. That they aren’t comfortable with will definitely survive through the tough and difficult times.
Easier and fun
A marriage without effective communication. Is very fragile and every little fall brings it closer to its end.
Different issues and misunderstandings might arise.
But couples that are in sync with their communication skills and emotions will enjoy a smooth marriage.
A couple in sync with each other will easily understand when their partner is unhappy. Or bothered by something and know exactly what to do to help out.
Constant bantering, quarreling, and nagging are the end result of ineffective communication.
Effective communication provides a channel for couples to talk about their issues.
Or other work or social related problems that are getting them riled up.
Verbal and non-verbal communication is the foundation for stronger marital satisfaction.
The love language of your partner can be an effective communication strategy.
It could help you start up verbal communication and subsequently lead to the resolution of certain issues that were threatening your marriage.
A partner that listens attentively and proffers solutions that are beneficial. Is a healthy and trustworthy partner.
Effective communication builds one’s ability to keep an open mind. And embrace the opinion of one spouse.
This leads to more understanding and helps the couple make beneficial marital decisions.
Guidelines on Effective communication
· Be specific
Your spouse might not understand that you are saying “am fine”.
Because you want him/her to show concern and coerce you to tell them what’s wrong.
Just go straight to the point don’t give vague replies. Point out the details and resolve your issues without beating around the Bush.
· Respect feelings
Humans are emotionally sensitive beings.
If they feel hurt by your words, they might tune you out. Or completely detest having a conversation with you. Speak truthfully but be sensitive to their emotions.
· Don’t bring up past issues
Focus on resolving the current situation. Don’t bring up similar events that happened a long time ago.
Put your attention on the present problem and resolve it by referring to past events.
· Have a civil conversation
There is absolutely no need to shout and rain abuses on your spouse.
It is important that you try as much as possible to keep a calm and non-accusatory tone. In order to achieve positive results from the conversation.
· Avoid making excuses
If you keep bringing up excuses for every complaint your spouse raises. This could subsequently lead to a fight.
Listen, apologize and promise to do better. Excuses don’t make things better; it makes them worse.
· Don’t jump to conclusions
Give a chance for your partner to explain themselves. It’s possible that they never knew they were hurting you with their actions.
Don’t assume that they are intentionally hurting because of a past mistake you could be wrong.
· Avoid comparison and competition
A lot of people hate it when you compare them with another person.
Ensure that you don’t compare your spouse to anyone. They might not be able to handle it.
Also, settle your issues with comparison to the third party.
· Be intentional
Deliberately make out time to spend quality time with your partner.
Also never make your partner feel your absent even with you are physically present with him/her.
· Personalize Statement
Don’t use words “like they said” or “can’t you think about it like this”
Instead, use words like. “I will like you to” and “You hurt me when you did this.”
You should be honest about your feelings whether positive or negative.
Constructively express your negative feelings.
Do this without resentment and freely express your positive feelings to your partner.
Effective communication skills are something you can learn.
There are a lot of blog posts and books.
They can help you improve fun, playfulness, peace, and joy in your marriage.
Finally, If you can’t find a common ground to communicate. It is advisable that you visit a counselor with your partner.