Everything you need to know about words of affirmation
Words of affirmation have a lot of powers beneath them. How often do you speak positive words to yourself, your family, your friends, or even strangers you just met?
The power of positive words has been spoken about by lots of personal coaches, life coaches, and motivational speakers.
According to the oxford dictionary, affirmation means encouragement or emotional support offered to someone.
When you affirmed someone, you are simply showing that you notice their effort and you believe that whatever they are aiming for, they can achieve it.
When you affirm a person, you simply show that,
- You support them: A lot of relationships have suffered from a lack of support.
Inability to support your partner and make them feel acknowledged, understood, or regarded has led to the ruin of so many relationships. Showing your support to a loved one is a means of offering affirmation to them.
It shows that you see what they are doing and even though you might not physically help them you always encourage and admire their capabilities.
- Believe in them
Do you know how many people can testify that the single act of someone (even if it’s just one person) believing in their ability has pushed them towards achieving their goals?
These simple words like “I know you can do it”, “Don’t be silly there’s nothing you can’t achieve”, “I believe in you”, have positively impacted the lives of so many people in the world and our society at large.
- You care about them
Affirmation shows that you care for a person. Everybody in the world has different tasks that they engage in on daily basis. The fact that someone cares enough to think about you and free some space in his/her time to check up on you and inspire you with doses of encouragement is an uplifting feeling.
Let’s take an example;
It’s just like you are having a really bad day, maybe you got sacked from the job you already hate so much.
You strongly hate this job, but it pays the bill and now you got sacked.
You are mad about the fact that it wasn’t you that resigned instead you were fired and because the job actually pays your bills.
Therefore, that day basically sucks for you. You are packing your things preparing to leave the premises when you receive an email from your bank informing you that an extremely large sum of money has been transferred to your account as you have just won the lottery.
Trust me, at that point, you wouldn’t even remember that you were upset a few minutes ago. You will feel exceptionally happy and lucky that God has chosen to encourage and bless you in an unexpected manner.
This is exactly what affirmation feels like.
- They are important to you
There’s a popular saying that;
“Everybody have time to spare you just aren’t important to them”
That’s right, the busiest person in the world has time for those who they love who they want to negotiate a business deal with. Affirming a person shows how important the person/people are to you.
Word of affirmation
Gary Chapman in his book the five love languages listed word of affirmation among the other four as a type of love language. Word of affirmation can therefore be a method used in expressing love.
Words of affirmation could be
- Written (love texts, messages, poems, cards)
- Spoken orally
Therefore words of affirmation are simply positive words spoken to a person with the aim of encouraging, supporting, and uplifting a person.
During my research concerning this topic, I interviewed a few people concerning topic and the response below are the answers I received.
The interview consists of males and females ranging from 18 – 48.
The question asked was;
In a world where cards are getting outdated and money and luxury are like the ultimate gift, everybody loves what do you think would happen to heartfelt conversations and words between lovers?
For the purpose of this article, I will showcase only 5 answers then write a brief summary based on the other responses I got.
First answer (female): I know I like money and beautiful things like jewelry designer bags and shoes but the truth is I definitely won’t marry a guy that cannot compliment me, he can’t send me a random text or drop little notes for me. Money is good I need it but words for me are also important.
The second answer (female): words?!! I had a bunch of self-affirmations that I used (funny right?) but I don’t think it works.
The truth is, I feel like most people that need to hear words of affirmation are just insecure.
Third answer (male): As cliché as it might sounds, I think I prefer a lady that knows how to talk sweetly and compliments me. I think that’s sweet, cute, admirable, and adorable.
Fourth answer (male): I don’t really do the “word thing” if you need someone to talk to and make you feel better, I think you should talk to a therapist.
Fifth answer(male); this is quite a funny question because I broke up with my last girlfriend because of this reason.
I provided for her and I did love her, but she kept nagging about me not noticing anything she does, not randomly texting her, not talking sweet and it got really annoying.
But the truth is that I’m using this web this word thing with my new girlfriend, and I must say it’s pretty amazing.
I know it is a popular saying that action speaks louder than words but most times you realize that despite the various actions you put in those little words of acknowledgment and support Woodman did and cherished my partner.
- From the survey, I realize that despite how cheesy or cliché words of affirmation may sound, There are quite a great number of people in the world who still prefer words over every other little thing you might do. Those little words that you feel are meaningless can actually be the saving piece to your relationship.
20 examples of words of affirmation
- You are really special to me.
- You’re one of the few things that I’m sure of.
- I love everything about you.
- I wouldn’t change anything about you, you’re perfect.
- You inspire me a lot.
- I feel complete with you beside me.
- I’m so proud of you.
- I’m so lucky to have you.
- You are the most amazing colleague I’ve worked with.
- Thanks for always being supportive.
- Great job!
- Smile more often, it is contagious.
- I love how you take care of the kids; you are a natural.
- I will always be your number one fan.
- I love you.
- You look gorgeous.
- You’re one of the smartest people I have ever met.
- You are my muse.
- You are one of a kind, a rare gem.
- Congratulations you are well deserving of the position.
Words of affirmation do’s and don’t
A word of affirmation should be the sincere observation that fuels you to compliment the person. It shouldn’t be filled with sarcasm or used to mock a person’s instability, inconsistency, or unproductivity towards an assigned task.
Don’t give a word of affirmation just because you want to be on the good side of someone or in their favor. Be truthful about the words you want to say to a person.
- Highlight positive attributes
When affirming the person, you are praising/ complimenting a good character or habit they exhibit.
This should be your focus you shouldn’t praise the person for a few seconds just to create a soft landing before dishing out all the terrible habits and characters you think the person possessed.
Words of affirmation is filled with admiration for a person it is not a fault-finding mission.
Everybody has flaws, as humans, it is important that we try to remember this.
If you want to point out something terrible that someone has done, that’s fine go ahead and speak to the person about this but do not use words of affirmation as a starting ground as this could be very hurtful.
- Don’t wait to be reminded
If your spouse, partner or friend is doing something really great and you observe it there’s nothing wrong with saying “good job” “wow this looks nice” these simple words can mean a lot to the person.
You don’t have to wait till you are reminded before giving a sheepish smile and suddenly showering all manner of beautiful words on the person.
This may not seem sincere as it could be a little bit forced.
Words of affirmation work better when the other party is not expecting it (I.e. it works better when there is an element of surprise).
- Given with love back with gratitude
Words of affirmation should be done with love, don’t pretentiously say a half-hearted word to someone probably because you were forced to do it.
Words of affirmation should come from your heart; it shows that you appreciate a person or an act that has been done and you recognize that they choose you to be the receiver of that wonderful act of theirs.
You feel loved and appreciated hence it is only proper that you do the same.
- Do not fake it
No! This is totally not acceptable, if you do not want to appreciate or recognize the effort of your friend, partner, or colleague that’s okay for you.
Faking Words of affirmation are not advisable as people might see through the facade and feel mocked by you.
This could lead to the ruin of your relationship.
- Find the right Affirmation
I’ve heard a lot of people say, “I don’t know the right word to tell him/her” “I can’t remember what to say.”
If you are stuck in this position where you can’t find the right words of affirmation the perfect solution would be to give it time.
Take some time to reflect on this person, what they have done, what you shared together, how they made you feel on a certain occasion, and trust me you will find the perfect word of affirmation for them.
- Don’t give empty words of affirmation
“Jen you amazing” this is empty anybody can say this and no meaning. “Jen you are an amazing person, I love how you work with the kids is a beautiful sight to behold.”
This is a complete and satisfying word of affirmation. Don’t throw around empty words of affirmation, let the receiver feel the impact of your words it should leave a lasting positive impact.
Exercise: compliment someone about their smile telling them how it has occasionally brightened up your day and driven the clouds of worries away.
Types of affirmation
Affirmation are of different forms, but they are generally classified under 2 broad classes
- Negative affirmation
- Positive affirmation
Negative affirmations are unhealthy words spoken to a person to demoralize, cripple and destroy their self-worth or self-esteem.
This can be done either personally (negative self-affirmation) or by a third party.
There are quite many people in the world who do not feel good about themselves in so many ways therefore they result in mentally hurting themselves.
They constantly engage in hateful and derogatory mental pictures of themselves, they make lots of sudden unhealthy jokes about themselves in front of people, they just engage in the consistent self-destruction of themselves.
There are also some people who derive pleasure from hurting people’s feelings they bully them with snide comments that can make a person hate him or herself. A lot of people that hurt others with words are also hurting in unexplainable ways that they can’t handle so they try to feel better by inflicting the pain on someone else.
Negative affirmation has led to so many mental, psychological and emotional illness including
- Low self-esteem
- External validation
Positive affirmations are that uplifting and positively impactful statement that is constantly fed to the subconscious mind in order to activate it in the reality.
Quite a several persons have spoken a lot about the law of attraction, how you dwell so much on a specific thing that is manifested in the physical world.
This is exactly what positive affirmation it’s about making good sincere and positive statements either to yourself or to somebody else (spouse, partner, friend).
When you offer a positive encouraging word to someone you make them feel loved and recognized.
Where you constantly affirm positive statement strongly according to the law of attraction your subconscious mind accept this as a reality and works to bring it to the physical world.
Positive affirmations include daily affirmation which are mantras or slogans that you repeat constantly to correct a negative subconscious mind-set.
Positive affirmation yields
- Sense of fulfillment
- Positive results
- Inspires a person to do more.
Exercise: Which type of affirmation do you prefer? List out three reasons why you prefer your chosen answer.
Tips for positive affirmation
- Express appreciation and gratitude
- Addressing a person by the name shows more sincerity and specificity.
- Carefully think over what you want to say.
- Add reasons to your words of affirmation
- Be truthful and sincere
Words of affirmation for self
- I love me
- I’m beautiful bold and brave.
- “Can’t” does not exist within me
- I’m possible
- I make the choice on how I feel
- My only competition is with myself
- I’m prospered in all I do
- I’m unstoppable.
- I am wonderfully and fearfully made.
- There’s no other me (I am unique)
Word of affirmation for him
- I love how you encourage me to be a better version of myself every day
- Thank you for helping with the house chores, it really means a lot to me.
- I feel needed whenever you talk to me about the challenges you face.
- I am the luckiest woman alive as I met Mr perfect and Mr right in one man.
- Thanks for standing up for me, you’re my hero.
Words of affirmation for her
- People say Mrs right is fiction, I guess my life is a story because I found you.
- Your smile lit up a room and it’s so adorable that you never really notice.
- How you handle your career and the family is artistic.
- I fall in love all over again when I hear you laugh.
- You are my favorite quiet place in your arms the noise of the world is quiet.
Words of affirmation could be positive or negative, it all depends on what you choose. I strongly advise that you stick with positive words of affirmation as it has lots of positive benefits.
Words of affirmation shouldn’t be only for a person whose love language is the word of affirmation, A person who loves gift will still appreciate a note attached to the gift.
Words are powerful tools that can build or ruin your relationships, choose wisely.
Do you have other tips for positive words of affirmation? Drop them in the comment section.