“Do you really know your friends”? This might sound like a dumb question but is it?
If you’re certain that you can vouch for your friends, then that’s great.
However, this topic will serve as a reminder for you to watch out for the kind of friends you keep.
Everyone needs a friend, someone that cheers you up in your lowest time, a person or group of people that always have your back.
Someone that defends you in public but cautions you in private, people that support your dream and push you to be all that you want to be.
We all wish to have cliques, go on vacations, and party together.
These wishes are valid and there’s nothing wrong with them but the hard truth is this kind of friendship is scarce.
We live in a world where friends slander, humiliate, and gossip about their friends in their absence.
The term “Fake friends” is apparent in real life, people hurt the ones they call friends without any feeling of remorse.
There are so many real-life stories of the hurts and evil that “so-called friends” have done and now, a lot of people have a phobia of making friends
Due to this recent turn of events, it is necessary to ask yourself “Do I really know my friends”
Have a deep thought before you answer these questions.
If it happens once, it is a mistake, twice it can be a coincidence but thrice is deliberate.
It is about time you stop making up silly excuses to cover up a deliberate action.
You need to examine your friends and if you discover that the relationship is toxic, you need to quit.
Signs to show that you do not know your friends
Everybody has flaws, that’s what makes us human but there are certain things people do that that toxic to you and that relationship needs can end in two ways;
It’s either you try to fix it or you end the relationship, it all depends on the flaws, willingness to endure, and the other party’s willingness to change.
Let’s talk about 4 signs to show that you do not really know your friends:
You don’t know the basic necessity
This is one of the most common and underestimated factors that shows you don’t know your friends.
Simple things like their favorite food, dress style, likes, dislikes, family, job, where they live, or the job they do.
If you do not know these basic things about your friends, that’s okay. You are not the only one, there are so many people like you!
Having prior knowledge of your friends’ personal choices is not a true test of friendship but it shows you don’t care or the communication level in your relationship is poor.
The major benefits of having prior knowledge about your friend/friends’ choices include,
- It promotes understanding as you are fully aware of their likes and dislikes.
- You can easily tolerate or forgive a person when you are aware of their weaknesses.
- It helps you in making certain decisions with regard to surprises, gift purchases, or helping out your spouse.
2. Always arguing
Disagreement is not a stranger in relationships, but if it’s a frequent occurrence among your friends, then it becomes a problem!
The major cause of disagreements is a lack of understanding.
In an argument, both parties always believe that they are right, it’s a silly competition that no one wants to lose.
Friends that always argue have an understanding problem.
If you understand your friends, there are things you will tolerate and avoid due to a proper understanding among friends.
Most times, it is hard for two parties to settle their disagreement but a third party finds it easy to resolve a conflict because he/she is not emotionally or psychologically involved.
Biased judgments arise when the judge is emotionally affiliated with one or both parties.
3. Always misinterpret their actions
Here’s a question for you.
If you are in a group but you excused yourself to pick up a call, on returning you discover that everyone is laughing at something your friend said.
How will you react?
If you start imagining that your friend said something bad about you. Then, you do not know your friend.
However, if you know that’s something your friend is capable of doing you shouldn’t be too surprised.
There are certain things your friend does that you should understand better than anyone else.
Most people are very good at making jokes about their friends. If you have such a friend, you should know that they do not mean to harm or hurt you in any way.
4. Communication is hard
Is it hard to communicate with your friend? Do you feel more comfortable talking behind your friend to other people?
Do you harbor unresolved differences and issues?
All these are pointers that the communication level of the relationship is extremely low.
A default communication system arises from a default knowledge about the individual.
If you understand or really know your friend, communication should not be an issue.
1 easy tip to apply to know your friends better
There’s no magical trick to learning more about your friends that doesn’t include your interest.
You must have the determination and willingness to learn, fail, let go and love.
Here is one easy tip you must know if you want to know more about your friends.
You need to be deliberate.
There is no need to beat around the bush, if your communication sucks then have a conversation and try to fix it.
In a calm and polite manner, inform your friends that you need to have an important conversation.
If you are not deliberate about this, then your actions and results will be left to chance.
With chance, it’s always a maybe!
Keep an open mind throughout the conversation, be nice but truthful, talk about unresolved issues and try to find a central point.
Apologize for mistakes you committed either deliberately or out of ignorance.
If the conversation gets sour and no party wants to listen. Call the meeting off.
Repeat it in a few months, however, if a center point cannot be reached. This could be a potentially toxic relationship.
We are back to this question again “do you really know your friends”?
If you’re sure you got something great going on that’s beautiful.
However, if the friendship is toxic and detrimental to your mental health, you need to quit the relationship in a peaceful manner.
It might not be peaceful or quiet but ensure that you put in extra effort to end the relationship without much conflict.
Always remember that prevention is better than cure.