Beware of the people you trust.
Beware of the people you trust as trust is a very integral part of our life and is at the heart of series of connections- family, relationships, businesses.
You have probably heard of cases where trust was given and broken in return, or cases of disappointments due to relying totally on someone you trusted. Whatever scenario of broken trust you have in your head is quite hurtful in reality.
Different people have been victims of broken/destroyed trust- jilted lovers, scams, and more.
A failed marriage that led to divorce might have been out of broken trust, a failed business that collapsed and led to losses probably happened because there was trust, even the best of friends and family members break trust. And these experiences have caused people to lack trust.
Most times, we cannot even trust ourselves. We have let ourselves down series of times. If we cannot trust ourselves and even our abilities maybe because we feel like an imperfection is a part of being human, we cannot and shouldn’t invest 100% trust in anyone.
Trust is vital, once broken or destroyed, it is hard to regain as the relationship will never be the same and can cause an emotional breakdown.
Trust is a core foundation for any relationship and when a person says they trust you, it means they believe you wouldn’t prey on their intelligence, hurt their feelings, expose their secrets, feast on their vulnerabilities, and use their weaknesses against them.
When someone says they trust you, they do not expect you to give them reasons to doubt that they do.
It can be as simple as trusting your friends to respect and think well of you, trusting your roommates to keep your items safe and not steal them when you are not around, trusting that your belongings lent to people can be gotten back in a safe condition. Whatever the case may be, we trust people every day, unconsciously or even consciously.
Sometimes, it’s having to tell someone to help watch your bag while you leave for a minute without flinching- any of your items could be stolen by this person.
The truth is you need to trust people so they can trust you in return. If you consider your partner, coworkers, friends, or anyone as being untrustworthy, it may cause them to consider you that way. In a nutshell, if you have trust issues, people will have issues trusting you.
There are good sides, good reasons, or benefits of trusting people. Trusting people allows you to build relationships and create bonds with others.
Most successful relationships are built on trust- whether business, friends, or romantic relationships. And the more trust is built, the stronger the relationship becomes.
Trusting people gives you the chance to grow. This is because you open up to new experiences, new energy that can empower and make you stronger. We learn a lot more by trusting others.
But, we must be fully aware of the people we trust. Do they have our best interest at heart? Are we working towards a common goal? do they feel bitter or happy about my successes? is it temporary?
Choosing to trust someone completely is a smart choice when you are sure of their intents. Trust is important and essential for any relationship to thrive. But, it requires a certain degree and level.
Understanding levels of trust and the degree to which you give it will help you build a strong trust foundation and clear communication with the party involved when the trust is broken.
You should trust a person if you both share the same values and stand by it if concern and empathy for others are paramount, if he/she is competent and capable of carrying out responsibility, and if he/she is reliable.
According to leadingwithtrust.com, there are three levels of trust for different relationships. These levels are smart ways meant to shape the extent to which trust is given. The first level is deterrence-based trust and is the most basic level of trust in all relationships.
At this level, rules are governing the relationship and these rules are put in place to create boundaries, prevent harming the other person, and taking advantage of all parties involved.
What happens when rules are violated? Consequences are involved. Hence, there is an understanding that trust must be reciprocated. And if it is broken, a price should be paid.
The second level is knowledge-based trust. And I think everybody should trust at this level. This level of trust implies that I know you should be trusted because I have had enough experience with you, a knowledge of your behavior, your reaction to things, and a working relationship with me.
This trust is based on experiences with the other party involved. For instance, if I truly know my friend can handle a situation involving me, I’d trust him with it, simple.
And the third is identity-based trust. This level of trust is meant for just the important people in your life- spouse, family members, close friends, children and as such, is tagged as an intimate level of trust.
This level of trust implies you are aware of my hopes, ambitions, fears, doubts, dreams, and goals.
Therefore, I trust you at this level. This trust is given because, over the cause of time, the parties involved have been vulnerable and transparent to each other. Even though weaknesses have been shown, loyalty, acceptance, and understanding are still key. At this level, I’m aware that you cannot back-stab me and would always encourage my dreams, hope, and development.
How to know if someone is trustworthy
Before you commit to trusting people, you should be fully aware of what the outcome will be.
Trusting the wrong person can lead to several undesirable outcomes which include financial losses, emotional and mental breakdown, abusive relationships, and many more.
You should be very observant of the following signs before trusting a person, whether it’s business-wise, financially, romantic, or otherwise.
- A trustworthy person is consistent and reliable. Their words will match actions and character will be maintained throughout.
A consistent person likes to stand for what they say, despite the situation at hand. They wouldn’t pretend or act out of character, except if it’s for a good course.
2. A person deserving of trust should be able to respect boundaries and acknowledge the needs of others. A trustworthy person should be able to take no for an answer and understand when it’s time to back down.
When a person tries as much as possible to respect your choices, opinions and refuses to impose their will on you, they are deserving of your trust. People who are incapable of respecting boundaries are insensitive and wouldn’t care if they hurt or harm you.
A trustworthy person is a grateful person. They’ll give credit when it’s necessary and praises for a job well done.
3. Grateful people are open-minded and always cheerful. So, if the individual you trust isn’t grateful for even the little things, they may be envious. And it’s bad to trust an envious person.
Another interesting fact about trustworthy persons is their honesty and transparency.
4. Everyone likes to trust people who are truthful and transparent – they are filled with excess goodness. To them, resolving conflicts, risking their reputation, and forgoing relationships are a lot better than being dishonest.
5. Trustworthy people are not gossips. Gossips spread rumors, negativity and bring others down. A trustworthy person will get information from the right and proper source and ensure its valid before distributing, or better still will allow the source to speak for themselves.
You can count on a trustworthy person to uphold your secrets and not spread them like wildfire. But before trusting an individual, you should be very positive about how he/she handles vital information.
6. Trustworthy people are open to learning. People deserving of your trust are aware that they do not know it all. They are humble and sincerely want to improve themselves, and after the process, would want to improve the lives of others.
Before making the hard decision to trust someone, think very well. Do not be in a haste to make impulsive decisions. Do well to think about the positive and negative outcomes.
Also, do not be deceived by facial appearance. Even manufacturers of different products exaggerate the uniqueness and perfection of their products. The main perfection is actually beyond the entire label and packaging, it’s on the inside (the main deal).
Take your time to observe behavioral signs, body language and maybe, carry out a background search. Humans are very good at projecting an all-loving spirit, confidence, sexiness, cheerfulness, and can make you feel very important.
Don’t get too caught up that you become blinded by the signs staring at you.
Final thoughts
In as much as trusting people has its bad sides, there are benefits of trusting people.
You should be very careful and selective about the people you trust. Not everyone is deserving of your trust. Untrustworthy people have characteristics such as unreliability, lack of empathy and respect for boundaries, lack of integrity, dishonesty, inconsistency, and trust issues.
