This is a question most people are curious about- should I say no to him or should I agree to her terms?
Do you think I am accepting her terms too easily? If I start this way, would I be able to keep this up throughout the relationship?
If you are thinking that asking these questions makes you a selfish person, you are wrong.
There is nothing wrong with asking certain questions and setting boundaries in a relationship.
The best thing both parties can do before dating or courtship is to set clear and reasonable boundaries.
Reasonable because a lot of people can be extreme about certain things.
“He should call me 7 times in a day else he doesn’t love me anymore”
Wow! Would you call him seven times a day?
“She should be able to cook for me, do the dishes, arrange my house, wash my clothes and even help me wash my car”
Really? I thought you wanted a relationship? Or is this an employment role with the job description?
Setting boundaries doesn’t signify selfishness, rather it shows that you can state your likes, dislikes and look for a meeting ground with your partner.
For example;
Helen was not much of a kitchen lover, she could cook but it wasn’t something she loved doing all the time.
Joseph, a suitor who was interested in her, loved home-cooked meals. He don’t like the idea of eating out!
During the process of dating and trying to find out about Helen, she made this clear to him.
No, she didn’t say I’m not a chef, don’t expect me to do all the cooking for you.
Here Is what she said;
“I find cooking interesting, it’s almost like an art to me.
But, it’s not something I engage in every day. I can cook thrice a week but that’s all I can offer.
So what do you eat on days you don’t cook Joshua asked;
On the days I cook, I make a lot of food in bulk and refrigerate them. I also get takeout and eat out with friends twice or thrice a month.
Interesting he replied!
But I love home-cooked food and I understand that you can’t cook every day and I don’t even expect that from you.
Here is what we can do; Keep up the bulk cooking when you can, I would take up cooking classes to assist you whenever I can He added.
That’s so nice of you Joshua, also I can prepare major ingredients and refrigerate them.
This makes the job easier and with time I can do it more than three times a week.
Now that’s the power of knowing when to say yes or no in a relationship.
A relationship is not all about you
“I want my boyfriend to love me” “I want to matter to her than anything else in the word” “he should care about me more than his family”
Whatever your wants are, I’m sure to you, they are justifiable but how about the other party?
Most times, we make the mistake of going into a relationship with the idea of “what can I get” instead of “what can I offer”
Don’t get me wrong…
It’s completely fine to know what you want, that’s how you can say yes or no.
A relationship is between two people with different belief systems, parental upbringing, background and much more.
It would never be all about you.
To have a prosperous relationship with respectful boundaries you need to remember – it’s not all about you.
How to set boundaries in a relationship
A relationship without respect for each other’s choices, opinions and beliefs will not last.
It is important to define the terms and goals before you use the word “couples” or say “I do”
1.Be plain and clear
This is quite common among the ladies, we want the man to figure out what we have to say.
How should he do that?
Unless he is a magician or psychologist, you need to tell him your likes and dislikes.
Psychologists need a form of conversation to figure out their patient’s mental health issues.
Stop assuming that he should know, it doesn’t work that way.
If you don’t like the way he spoke to you in the presence of his friends, tell him!
If she made a hurtful comment but thought it was funny, talk to her about it.
Your spouse can’t figure it out without your help.
2. Don’t tolerate boundary encroachment
It’s great to set boundaries! But it is also important to give people a little time to adjust.
Once the time has elapsed, it’s time to take action!
For example; Maria and her boyfriend live together, they use the same spray, toothpaste and shower gel.
For as long as she can remember, she buys all the toiletries, he uses them till it’s exhausted and does nothing.
She kept quiet about it for 4 months and he continued.
In the 5th month, she decided to switch to a completely different and more girly product.
Guess what…
He started using it too! Of course, she confronted him and told him to get his.
When people take your silence for stupidity make sure you confront them about it.
3.Examine the compatibility
If you aren’t comfortable with your partner then what’s the need of being in the relationship?
A partner you can’t correct? Someone who believes they are always right and you are wrong?
This is a potentially toxic relationship, you won’t be able to set any boundaries.
In the long run, you would walk on your toes around the individual to avoid arguments, confrontation and in the worst-case abuse.
Conclusion
No one can tell you when to say yes or no in a relationship, only you can.
You know what works for you and what doesn’t, you know what makes you happy and sad.
Don’t hesitate to talk to your partner about it, if they love you they would be willing to compromise.
