10 dangers of over-pampering your child

The keyword is “over pampering a child” not pampering.

There’s nothing wrong with pampering your child, everyone needs to be treated with care and luxury

However, critical issues arise when the word “over” is added to “pampering”.

The majority of parents in the world want to offer their kids security, love, care, and luxury but for it can slip from love and care into over pampering.

For example, Jude’s Mom loves him so much that she cleans up his room at age 12.

Whoa! 12? This is an extreme case of over-pampering. 

It is the responsibility of parents to train their kids to be accountable and responsible for certain things.

At age 3 your child should be able to pick up his/her toy and put it into the toy basket. This ignites a sense of responsibility in the child at a tender age.

But most parents love their kids so much that they feel guilty for sending them errands or teaching them to be accountable for certain actions.

The real fact about overpampering

A lot of mom and dad reading this article right now are in a defensive mood.

First, you should know that this article is not to make you angry but to draw your attention to reality.

As a mother too, sometimes, it is hard to say no to my child or punish them when they commit certain unacceptable behavior.

But despite the love we have for our children, it is our most important duty as their parents to instill morals and values in them.

Our world is filled with so many teens, youths, and grownups who feel people should do everything from them.

You must have met some people like these, people who feel deserving and perhaps make you feel like you are indebted to them.

This is not the fault of the individual, it is the fault of their over-pampering parents.

Different psychologists specializing in mental and child development have made several negative findings regarding the over-pampering of a child.

One particular study shows that most individuals who are rude, feel deserving of favors, and are lazy are products of over-pampering parents.

We love our children and want the best for them but most times we need to say no to them and allow them to feel accountable for certain decisions they make.

This doesn’t make you a bad parent although at that stage your child might not understand ànd this is what most parents are scared of.

You don’t your child to feel like you are a bad person “he will think i’m wicked” “She won’t talk to me again”, or “they will give me silent treatment”.

All these statements parents make are responsible for the rude and arrogant individuals we have in the world today.

What’s the thin line between love and over-pampering? 

According to the English dictionary, love is a strong affection. It is a profound and caring feeling towards someone.

To pamper,  is to treat with excessive care, attention, or indulgence.

Over is an excessive degree.

Therefore, over-pampering is an excessive show of love and affection to someone or something.

There is a popular saying that too much of everything is bad!

Let’s look at this example of love and over-pampering.

Case study:

The conversation between a 7-year-old boy and his mother.

Mom: Joel, come and pick your toys, they are scattered everywhere.

Joel: (no response)

10 minutes later

Mom: Joel! Joel!! (in a louder voice)

Joel: I’m coming

Mom: Joel, why are your toys still here? I asked you to pick them up.

Joel: But mom you always pick them up, why should I do it now?

Mom: You were a baby, now you aren’t so pick up your toys.

Joel: I’m still your baby, I don’t want to pick them. Just do it mom, you always do it. You love me (cute smiley face).

Mom: I’m sorry honey. But you are right, I love you too much to let you grow up like this.

Joel: (surprise and angry) picks up all his toys.

Mom: You must learn to be accountable and responsible for little things like your toys. Pick up your toys immediately or no PJ masks for you for a week.

This is what I call love. Joel paid attention to the actions of his mother; he was aware that she cleans up his mess every time.

His mom was pampering by always picking up his toys. At age 4 she should have taught him to do it himself.

Lesson to learn:

Joel’s mom was able to identify her wrongs, she saw the bad habit her son was formulating and was quick to correct her mistake.

Like Joel’s mom, most parents have or are making this mistake of over-pampering their child. However, it is not late to make a change, you can cultivate new habits in your kids with the right approach.

The dangers of over pampering a child 

If your child breaks a rule in school, it’s your job to talk to your child, understand what they did and the motive behind their actions.

If the child has already received punishments from the school, there’s no need for more.

As his/her parent it is your responsibility to ensure that your child never engages in that act again.

You need to explain their actions to them and why it’s wrong, you should also create a punishment plan if they decide to disobey your instructions.

Children listen, they react to what you do. If you go about fighting and threatening the school authorities whenever your child is punished.

Then, your child will be resistant to authorities because they believe they can always get away with breaking the rules.

Over pampering, children have caused more harm than good to families and the society at large.

A child whose parents never correct will be a victim of these dangers.

When a child does something wrong, let them face the consequences of their actions. 

It is okay to be forgiving but it is also important to instill discipline in your kids to protect your kids from the dangers that await an over-pampered child.

• Lack of independence 

Parents make this statement a lot “He is too small to pack his toys” “she doesn’t understand what she is saying” He/she is just a child.

These statements are made by parents who over-pamper their children. 

Don’t shield your child from little domestic tasks that they can handle because they are slow in handling the task.

No matter how slow a child is, allow him/her to engage in certain household chores. Don’t forget the popular saying that “practice makes perfect”

Next, let them learn to be responsible for certain things. At the age of 2 teach them to greet and use polite words like please, sorry, and thank you.

At 3 they should be able to place their toys in the toy basket and put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Stop saying he/she is too small or  they can’t remember. Really?

But they can remember the name of their favorite cartoon channel and sing the theme song of all their favorite cartoons.

Stop over pampering your kids, let them have a sense of responsibility at a very little age.

• Zero decision-making skills

When you always do things for your kids, you leave them with little or no decision-making skills.

At a very young age take your child to the mall, ask them to choose their favorite cereal.

In addition, limit their screen time, they should learn to decide which cartoon to watch and which to let go of. 

Don’t always do all the thinking for them, they need to learn to do things themselves.

For instance; on Saturday, here’s what happened in Joel’s House.

Mom: Joel I can’t find your spiderman socks in your laundry basket.

Joel: (no response)

Mom: Joel where are your socks?

Joel: Mom, it’s somewhere. It’s not dirty (Singing PJ masks theme song).

Mom: Alright

Monday morning…

Joel: Mom I can’t find my spider man socks; I need to wear them today.

Mom: no response

Joel: Mom!!

Mom: You told me it clean, go pick it up and wear it.

Joel: But I don’t know where it is.

Mom: And I asked you to bring it but you said it was clean.

Joel: I’m sorry mom, I didn’t know it was missing . Please help me find it.

Mom: Sorry love but this is the consequence of the decision you made on Saturday. You will use your other stockings, you can’t be late for school.

Joel might cry and not speak to you throughout the car ride.

However, the truth is he has learned a very important lesson on decision-making.

The next time he has to choose between PJ masks or looking for his favorite stockings.

He will remember this incident and head straight to look for his stockings.

• Deserving mentality

When you over-pamper kids, they grow up to become adults who feel entitled to everything.

They believe that the world revolves around them and things should happen as they seem fit.

Also, when things don’t happen the way they expect, they tend to do it their way without minding who they hurt in the process.

• Creation of a bully

An over-pampered child can become a bully because they feel they can get away with anything they do.

Their parents always come to their rescue hence, they can do anything to anybody.

How to stop over-pampering your child?

• Learn to say no

Both partners should be a united force in dealing with their kids, explaining the new procedure to the child from the onset.

Conclusion 

Over pampering your children will make them believe that the whole world revolves around them.

They might not be considerate or content with what they have. 

In most cases, they will become greedy, and when somebody is greedy, we all know the resultant effect.

The person will always want to get more and this leads to prostitution, armed robbery, and kidnappers.

If you over-pamper your kids, you need to change for them.

Train your kids the right way even if it hurts, else you will raise a child that will bring disgrace to you and themselves.

What are your thoughts concerning this issue? Do you over-pamper your children?

Is it good or bad to over-pamper your child?

Let’s talk about these in the comment section.

Finally, just like every other bad character, with proper guidance over pampering can be managed.