Why some men stop their wife’s progress
The big question for the men is? what exactly are you scared of? why don’t you support your wives when they are advancing in their careers and doing great things?
Is there something wrong with being a career wife that can handle the family as well as her work life?
The world has advanced and ladies are no longer groomed to only become “stay-at-home wives”.
This is a problem of the men but it affects both parties. Believe me, this particular issue had ruled a lot of marriages.
I have seen and heard so many cases about a family that was doing so well until the wife got a better job.
Getting a better job is supposed to bring joy and celebration to the family, not chaos. So why exactly does this whole issue of the women progressing cause problems in the family?
Is the progress of the women really the issue or are there some underlying problems that are hidden behind this facade?
There was a particular story about a happy family that was doing so well, in fact, they were the role model couple of their environment.
So many couples living around them wanted to be them and so many couples they were quarreling went to them for advice.
Although these couples weren’t therapists, they were able to help a lot of couples settle their issues.
A few years later the lady got a very good-paying job after nine years of job hunting and managing substandard pay.
They were very happy, the husband was joyous that he celebrated and even threw a mini party for his wife’s achievements.
However, two years after this job the lady kept getting promoted until she got to the position of vice president of the organization. And guess what happened then, she was given an ultimatum by her beloved husband.
It was either the job or him. In order to save this family, the lady had to make a very hard decision.
Ladies if you were in this same scenario what will your decision be, drop your thoughts in the comment section below.
At the end of the article precisely in the conclusion aspect, I will tell you lady decision.
Progress is a good thing, when it happens in an environment it brings joy, happiness, and celebration. Why then does it result at the end of some marriages?
Why are some men really adamant about their wives’ folders? Let me rephrase the statement- about their wife doing better than them?
In this article, we will deeply analyze this topic from both points of view and try to find a common ground on which this issue can be resolved.
Let’s dive into this article and try to find out the cause of this particular problem, is it the fault of the men or the fault of the women?
Are there some characteristics that these ladies cultivate that are threatening to the men? Find out as you progress with reading this article.
Please note that most of these factors I will talk about are based on the conclusion I gathered from interviewing men and women alike.
The problem with feminine progress
For the purpose of this article, I had to engage in a subway give you I spoke with a lot of men and women in order to gather concrete findings.
I discovered that most men have no problem with their wives working or earning a decent living. The only time it becomes an issue is when the wives start doing better in other words when the lady starts making much more money than them.
I know all feminists reading this particular paragraph will feel offended by the statement but calm down I’m trying to make a point.
We all know that men are proud they have this self-imposed ego. Not all though, as some men are comfortable with their wives earning more.
However, the alpha or beta male is absolutely uncomfortable with their wives doing better than them in the work field.
Before the emergence of women into the workforce, men were taught that working to provide for their families is their major responsibility.
But unfortunately for them, the world has changed and women are continually evolving. Gone are the days when women stay back home as complacent housewives.
They now want to be career women who stand up for what they believe in.
Men are trying really hard to meet up to this rapid evolution of women but the truth is, they are finding it really difficult to cope with.
Hence the problem arises when a woman starts progressing in her endeavors while they feel left behind.
To most men, the woman is encroaching into their territory or personal space. And what do you do when some tries to invade your privacy?
You react in a really negative and aggressive manner. This is exactly the problem with feminine progress.
As women we are groomed to be hardworking, mothers, some ladies learn how to cook, look after the home and now we are also excelling in the workforce.
Most men feel like the only thing they are unbeatable at is working hard to provide for the family. So, when you take care of the family, cook, look after the kids, and still excel at work.
The men get so upset and angry, they do not understand how you are able to handle so many responsibilities perfectly.
The next best thing a man does immediately he feels threatened is to retaliate. It begins with little fights for absurd reasons, tantrums, victimization, and soon a divorce is right around the block.
How can this situation be resolved
The most perfect solution to this issue will be reformatting the male mindset. However, this is also impossible to achieve so what exactly can be done.
The best strategy to use will be sensitization, most men have been groomed with this ideology all their life. They receive teachings from a very early age, their role as the major providers in the family
This, not a bad concept however where they got it wrong is thinking that no one else should do better than them since it is their responsibility.
This mindset has to leave the male mind, if it fails to leave, they will continually see successful women as threats.
2.The part of the woman
Ladies we also got a part to play to stop this particular ideology from ruining our families. We are all humans, although some people can handle pressure better it is still quite a hard process to deal with.
The idea of women leading is still confusing, men are trying to adjust and take baby steps towards accepting this new change. We have to work with them through it one step at a time.
We can’t impose it on them, we have to understand that they are treading a very delicate and unfamiliar ground.
In the next few years, men will gradually learn to adapt to this new change but till then we should really try to use understanding to work with them.
I am not saying you should give up your career to please your husband, no I totally don’t support that. Instead, when he throws a tantrum or makes some obscure statement try to understand the place he is coming from.
He is afraid, that you are trying to take over the one thing that he is good at. Use wisdom and love to slowly make him accept your newly attained height.
- Avoid comparison
Comparison can never bring any solution to a problem. The root problem of this particular issue comes from the training most men receive why they were younger.
Man, A may be totally fine with it but Man B might be completely offended by the whole idea. Don’t continually nag about the couple that is doing fine because the husband understands.
The keyword here is “understand “it is obvious that your husband does not understand. Most times our children might be confused about a particular concept. it is our job as mothers to tread softly till they can grasp the concept.
We tread softly and cautiously; this is exactly how it should be with our husband. He doesn’t fully understand the concept, it seems really strange.
Don’t compare him with others instead try to talk to him and approach the matter with a high level of intellectual prowess.
4.Slowly add the changes
If you were a complete stay-at-home wife who suddenly got a 9-5 job. Definitely, there will need to be a lot of changes around the house.
However, these changes are the backbone that men use in any argument. As much as possible try to begin with very few changes while you give him the chance to adapt.
Don’t embark on a 360° change in 24 hours, this will totally freak him out. Make the changes slowly and make sure you include him in it.
Endeavor to listen to his input, don’t try to figure everything out by yourself. Let him help you adapt to this new world.
Talk to him about the challenge you face, how tasking and demanding this new job is.
Compliment him about how well he handles it and ask him for advice like a senior in the workforce.
The lady stepped down from her position as vice president and picked up a less demanding role. A few months later her husband felt really bad and tried to fix it but it was already too late.
To date, he lives with the knowledge that he stopped his wife progress us of ignorance.
It is possible to progress as a woman and still have a very functional and admirable family.
It takes hard work, diligence, and a high level of understanding but it can be done.
Men still need time to adapt to the new changes in the world. We should give them that time to adapt to our success.
Don’t use your actions to make them feel little or threatened by your progress.
There are three classes of men in our present world, the men that are in tune with the word changes, the men that are still struggling, and lastly the group that does not care about the changes.
Despite this do not let any stop you from becoming the woman you want to be.