Learning to heal without venting to anyone
Learning to heal without venting to anyone is a skill that only a few people can understand. It takes a really high sense of maturity, tolerance, and self-control to practice this skill effectively.
Struggling with emotions especially negative ones is a really hard way to live. A lot of people suffer from the inability to express their hurt, pain, shame, guilt, and grievances.
This can be positive however, the negative impact is more disastrous.
How? you might be wondering?
Storing up pain can temporarily save you from a confrontation however in the long run it can destroy families and relationships.
For this reason, people choose to talk to someone in order to relieve themselves.
Is this right or wrong?
There is a big difference between talking to someone about an issue and venting.
It might seem like the same action however the mood, tone and every other thing is different.
That is why this topic is actually learning to heal without venting to anyone and not talking.
Venting vs talking
Venting is a verb, it means to express strong emotion. Talking is an act of communication usually by means of speech.
There is a clear distinction between these two verbs (actions). Talking is specific to speech while venting connotes all forms of expression.
It can include speech use of angry and abusive words and other forms of expressions.
From our comparison, we can see that venting and talking are completely different actions.
They might both be productive and yield results.
However venting can be violent, therefore we need to work on controlling it. In the future, we can totally give up on it.
Why exactly do people vent?
Most times venting is the end product of years of silence and pent-up anger.
If you are meeting someone for the first time and you do something to offend them and they start venting, what will be your reaction?
I’m sure you might be confused, apologetic but definitely very confused. Setting questions will be running through your head;
- Does she or he know me before
- Is this a transfer of aggression and other questions?
The truth is, you are fully aware of your misdeed.
However, the person’s actions may seem extreme for what you did, this is exactly what venting feels like.
Let’s talk about three major reasons and why people vent.
Enduring Limits reached
The major reason you will vent is simply that you can no longer tolerate the particular action, person, or experience.
Have you heard of the word “breaking points”.
This is the point where you can no longer hold back.
You express yourself without control.
If you have been tolerating your spouse or friend’s flaws for so long.
It gets to a point where you just can’t hold back anymore, therefore you unleash all the pent-up emotions, hearts, and anger.
Do you get easily irritated by what people do or say?
There is a high possibility that venting will be a constant or regular thing for you.
When you feel easily irritated, most times it’s hard to hold back anger, pain or disappointment.
If you are easily irritated by certain happenings, you may likely express your emotions very strongly than other people.
Stress is not healthy, it affects our physical and mental health.
When you are under extreme stress, you become easily upsets, experience frequent bouts of confusion, frustration, and anger.
This is very temporary, if the stress activating factor is eliminated, venting can be prevented.
However, if the material is not removed venting may likely occur.
If you vent out when you’re under extreme stress. There is a strong possibility that you might feel sorry after the stress-causing factor is removed.
In our society today, a lot of people vent as a result of stress. This is kind of a good thing because stress sometimes can be easily controlled, unlike the other reasons.
How to heal without venting
Did I hear you say you heal from what?
You need to heal from anything that can potentially ignite the need to vent.
(i)Feeling of mistreatment
(ii)Unapproachable seniors or parents
(iii) Abandonment issue
(v) Resentment, hate, and envy.
There are so many reasons you might need healing. Proper healing will push off the need to vent.
Acknowledge the feeling
Do you feel upset when someone makes a particular joke, or perhaps the sight of an individual gets you angry for no reason?
All these are feelings that have a starting point.
It is therefore very important that you find the trigger.
When you find the trigger, you can be able to identify the feeling.
You can’t change anything when you don’t know what needs changing. The only person that can decide to make a change is you.
If you choose to keep denying the feeling that you might exceed your enduring limits.
The next thing that will happen is an explosion of emotions(venting).
Self-control is simply the ability to think before you act.
When you spend 2-3 minutes thinking about what you want to do, you may save yourself from uncomfortable or controversial situations.
It’s true that self-control can be a difficult task however, it is one important way to heal without venting.
Practicing self-control does not mean ignoring your feelings or pain. No! That’s completely wrong.
In order to practice self-control, you must be aware of your feelings.
The only difference is, you choose not to react in a rash manner that might negatively affect everyone including you.
Tips to practice self-control
- Identify the problem
- If you have a hard time processing the idea, try journaling. Write down your thoughts and try to think them over.
- Meditation can help to keep you calm and stable.
- Don’t shy away from any emotion you feel, it is present for a reason. Try to search for its trigger, if it is positive or negative, you need to find out.
- Whenever you are having a hard conversation with anyone, speak slowly. Try to listen to each word you say.
- Bottling up emotions is not healthy or beneficial for you. If you feel like crying, don’t stop it.
Talk to someone
It could be professional or not.
I’m not advising you to talk to a stranger about your problem, I do not think that is a good idea.
There can be a high possibility that the stranger might know the individual you are talking about.
Of course, there are exceptions to this, however talking to strangers should not be an option.
When you talk to your friend or family about the issue, ensure that you plead with them to give you their unbiased opinions.
If possible you can talk to them about the situation without telling them that you are the person in question.
They can easily make clear opinions without any form of emotions or feelings attached.
On the other hand, if you have enough money, you can speak to a therapist.
They are trained to help you handle different situations that affect your mental health.
When you talk to someone you are slowly releasing the hurt, pain, or embarrassment.
Most times you vent when you have not forgiven yourself or the individual.
It is possible that when the misunderstanding occurred, you did nothing to stand up for yourself.
For this reason, you keep beating up yourself every day.
It is good to stand up for yourself, however, what if the words you said would have caused more harm than good.
I’m not saying that you should tolerate disrespect. Rather, I’m simply saying that most times the best way to avoid disrespect is to ignore certain people.
There are a lot of reasons why people can be mean; envy and jealousy are at the top of the list.
Choosing to stay quiet in an argument can further elevate your status amongst onlookers.
On the other hand, choosing to engage in a public argument is actually a form of disrespect to yourself.
However, if you can clearly state your opinion in a calm manner without using abusive or demeaning words. Go ahead!
This will prevent you from reprimanding yourself later.
Let’s say you stepped on someone and the person starts shouting and raining abuse on you.
In your defense you can say; I was walking around to say hi to a friend, but I saw your dress and it looked so stunning.
In my bid to walk over and drop a compliment I stepped on you.
It was not an intentional act however, I apologize for stepping on you.
Then, you can walk away. Violent and abusive ways are not always the answer to everything.
Learning to heal without venting to anyone is a process, it is not an abrupt event that you can start or stop by pressing a switch.
You need practice, trials, and errors. A mistake does not make you a failure. However, if you can realize that you made a mistake. This shows that you are making progress.
Venting is not an effective way to deal with problems, the best option is learning to heal without venting to anyone.