As I’m writing this topic I can’t help but remember how many times I have screamed “you are just a child”
Whenever I have a misunderstanding with my kid and I’m on the verge of losing it, I bring up this line…
“You are the child and I’m the adult” “You are wrong and I’m right” “Apologise and go to your room”
Now let’s try something different- imagine someone is saying this to you?
For a second just imagine you are on the receiving end?
How did that make you feel? Great?
Of course not! You felt terrible but that’s what you do to your kids.
Most times we deceive ourselves and say “they are just kids” “they would get over it” but is that true?
It’s about time parents realise that their kids are humans too.
They have emotions, they feel pain, hurt, happiness and sadness just like you do.
I’m sure a lot of parents are feeling triggered but before you say;
I pay the bills, i’m the grown-up, i’m dealing with work issues and i’m responsible for the finances
It would also be great to remember that your kids;
Are new to the world, they are experiencing it for the first time, have to deal with school stress
needs to blend in and create relationships and have to stay accountable and maintain good grades
It’s time we tell ourselves the truth as parents, we were once kids so we know what it feels like.
We should remember what our childhood felt like, how we wished for better and promised to do right by our kids.
Go back to memory lane and try to remember all the promises you made to your unborn kid…did you keep it?
You were once a child, you know what it feels like but you became an adult and life responsibilities made you forget everything.
Childhood and adulthood is nothing but a cycle separated by time.
Children are adults, the only difference is time.
While it is good to correct and direct your child. Treat them with the understanding that they are just like you.
The development stage
Born as a baby, you suckled from a bottle then you grew to a toddler and took in tiny bits of solids.
You got into kindergarten, nursery, primary and thereafter high school and college.
Now you are married with 2 kids and the entire cycle repeats.
This is the entire development stage from a child to an adult.
A child is different from an adult based on the time difference.
If your child was born before you, you would be the child and they would be the adult.
This doesn’t mean you would never be an adult, it just means you need time to grow.
An adult differs from a child based on the experiences and lessons they have gotten with time.
As a child grows, they build up their mind with different lessons and experiences starting from the home.
The questions are what are you showing to them?
Is it positive or negative, can it help them in future or would they remember it and smile or would it cause pain?
Similarities and differences between children and parents
To further prove that children are adults with a major difference in “time” let’s consider some similarities and differences.
Physical features
Similarity
The physical features an adult has is the same as a child except in cases of a deformity.
2 eyes, legs, hands, ears etc are major features present in both males and females.
Children are adults because they share the same features.
Difference
The arm of a child would be shorter and smaller than that of an adult.
The adults have stayed longer on earth hence the cause of the difference.
Mental capacity
Similarity
Children are adults because they have a brain, the ability to learn, understand and familiarise themselves with their environment.
Difference
The thinking capacity of a child is low as compared to an adult.
A child can dash into a major road without obeying traffic rules but a normal adult would not.
The adult has gained experience through training processes further developing his/her mental capacity.
Although children are adults, they still need the power of time to learn and build their knowledge bank.
Functionality
Similarity
Although the function may be inhibited at birth, children have the necessary body parts to carry out different bodily movements.
Difference
A newborn child cannot walk but an adult can walk, run and engage in different forms of exercise
Without the influence of the time and growth process, a child would remain a child forever and an adult would never exist.
However, that’s not the case, a child goes through different stages to walk- sitting upright, standing, the first step, falling and walking.
How to treat your kids right
There is a rule in the bible called “the golden rule” it says to treat people the way you want to be treated.
This doesn’t apply to adults only, it also applies to your kids. Treat them the way you would want them to treat you.
Don’t treat your kids with disregard, don’t build up an autocratic home.
Children are adults with emotions and mental capacity, learn to treat them right.
1. In conversation
How do you speak to your kids? Do you shout at them and make no effort to listen?
If someone accuses you of something you didn’t do, how would that make you feel?
I’m certain you would feel hurt.
Why then, should you treat your kids as such?
If your child is accused of something, don’t embarrass them in public.
Rather, apologise if necessary then, have a conversation with your kid in private.
After the conversation, if your kid was wrong ensure that they apologise and make amends.
Listen to your kids to understand them, not point out flaws and wrongs.
We all have flaws and weak points including you as a parent.
2. Discipline
What’s your discipline level with your kids like?
Do you punish and humiliate them in public just to receive the title of “strict parent”
Or do you embarrass your kids in the presence of their friends?
This is wrong
We all make mistakes, it is important to bear the consequences of your actions. This is what you should teach your kids.
Teach them to be accountable and ready to receive their punishment when they default.
3. Life choices
We Love our kids and most of the time we just want to make choices for them.
You have to be a doctor, don’t hang out with anyone from … You can’t play football as a career or no child of mine would skip college.
I know you want the best for your child but you can’t always choose for them.
There is a popular saying that experience is the best teacher.
It might be hard, but sometimes it’s okay to let yourself make personal life decisions.
Give them your support if it’s legal.
If they fall don’t rush to say “I told you so” be hopeful that they have learnt from the experience.
4. Relationship
I think kids’ relationships should not be a thing until the child is accountable.
Children between the ages of 13-16 should focus on their life, discover their talents and spend time making friends.
However, that’s not the case.
At 13, most teens are in relationships but really what can you do as their parent?
If you say no, they can do it behind your back and that’s more dangerous.
I think the best thing to do is to tell your child everything about relationships.
Tell them it’s bittersweet, teach them everything they should know about it and guide them in their decisions.
You can also set boundaries such as; “No one should be in a relationship before 16” or “If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend I must be first to know”
Conclusion
Children are adults but the truth is there is a huge bridge of learning, experience and time that separates the two.
Treat your kids right and they would treat you better!
Listen to them, have meaningful conversations and most especially always remember you were once a child.
