10 dangers of over pampering a child
The keyword here is “over pampering a child” not merely pampering. Everyone needs to be treated with care and luxury hence there is nothing wrong with pampering your child.
Critical issues arise when the word “over” is added to “pampering”.
The majority of parents in the world want to offer their kids security, love, care, and luxury. For this reason, most times they slip from love and care into over pampering.
For example, Jude’s Mom loves him so much that she cleans up his room at age 12.
Whoa! 12? This is an extreme case of over-pampering. It is the responsibility of parents to train their kids to be accountable and responsible for certain things.
At age 3 your child should be able to pick up their toy and put it into the toy basket. This ignites a sense of responsibility in the child at a tender age.
However, most parents love their kids so much that they feel guilty for sending them errands. Or teaching them to be accountable for certain actions.
The real fact about overpampering
I know a lot of moms and dads reading this article right now are in a defensive mood.
However, I’m not saying this to get you angry rather I’m writing on this to draw your awareness to reality.
I’m a mother too, I know what it feels like to say no to my child. To punish them when they commit certain unacceptable behavior.
Despite the love we have for our children. It is our most important duty as their parents to instill morals and values in them.
The world is filled with so many teens, youths, and grownups who feel people should do everything from them.
I’m sure you have met certain individuals like these, people who feel deserving. Or perhaps they make you feel like you are indebted to them.
This is not the fault of the individual; it is totally the fault of their over-pampering parents.
Different psychologists specializing in mental and child development have made several negative findings regarding the over-pampering of a child.
One particular study shows that most individuals who are rude, feel deserving of favors, and lazy. They are products of over-pampering parents.
We love our children and want the best for them. Most times we need to say no to them and allow them to feel accountable for certain decisions they make.
This doesn’t make you a bad parent although at that stage your child might not understand. Which is what most parents are scared of.
- I don’t want my child to feel like am a bad person
- He will think am wicked
- She won’t talk to me again
- They will give me silent treatment.
All these statements parents make are responsible for the rude and deserving individuals we have in the world today.
What’s the thin line between love and over-pampering?
According to the English dictionary, love is a strong affection. It is a profound and caring affection towards someone.
To pamper is to treat with excessive care, attention, or indulgence.
Over is an excessive degree; overly.
Therefore, over-pampering is to excessively or overly treat someone or something with excessive care, attention, or indulgence.
The word “excessive” is already present in the definition of the word pamper. Adding over makes it overly excessive.
There is a popular saying that too much of everything is bad!
Let’s look at some examples of love and over-pampering.
Case study: The conversation between a 7-year-old boy and his mother.
Mom: Joel, come and pick your toys they are scattered everywhere.
Joel: (no response)
10 minutes later
Mom: Joel! Joel!! (in a louder voice)
Joel: I’m coming
Mom: Joel, why are your toys still here? I asked you to pick them up.
Joel: But mom you always pick them up, why should I do it now?
Mom: You were a baby, now you aren’t so pick up your toys.
Joel: I’m still your baby, I don’t want to pick them. Just do it mom you always do it. You love me (cute smiley face).
Mom: I’m sorry honey. But you are absolutely right, I love you too much to let you grow up like this.
Joel: (surprise and angry) picks up all his toys.
You must learn to be accountable and responsible for little things like your toys. Pick up your toys immediately or no PJ masks for you for a week.
This is what I call love. Joel paid attention to the actions of his mother; he was aware that she cleans up his mess every time.
His mom was obviously pampering by constantly picking up his toys at 4. She should have thought him to do it himself.
The lesson from this example is the fact that the mom was able to identify her wrongs. She could clearly see the bad habit her son was formulating.
She was quick to correct her mistake.
Just like Joel’s mom, most parents have or are making this mistake of over-pampering their child. However, it is not late to make a change, you can cultivate new habits in your kids with the right approach.
The dangers of over pampering a child
Over pampering, children have caused more harm than good to families and society at large.
A child whose parents never correct will likely be a victim of the dangers of over-pampering a child.
The common trait “Being Rude”
Have someone younger than you ever being rude to you? How about your friend, boss, or a stranger?
There are several factors that can make someone act in a rude manner. However, if you notice that this has become regular, it is the character of the person.
If you don’t want to bring up the kids that will eventually grow into rude adults. It is important that you put a stop to your habit of over-pampering the child.
When a child does something wrong, let them face the consequences of their actions. It okay to be very forgiving but it is also very important to instill discipline in our kids.
Rather talk to your child to understand what they did and the motive behind their actions. Some parents go overboard here by punishing the child again.
The child has already received punishments from the school. As his/her parent it is your responsibility to ensure that your child never engages in that act again.
You can explain to them why they should never do such or lay down a punishment if they decide to disobey your instructions.
Children listen, and most especially they react to what you do. If you go about fighting and threatening the school authorities whenever your child is punished.
Then, your child will be resistant to authorities because they believe they can always get away with it.
Lack of independence
Parents especially mothers engage in this act constantly. “He is too small to pack his toys” “she doesn’t understand what she is saying” He/she is just a child.
These statements are mostly made by parents who over-pamper their children. Don’t shield your child from little domestic tasks that they can easily handle. Due to the fact that they are slow in handling the task.
No matter how slow a child is, allow him/her to engage in certain household chores. Don’t forget the popular saying that “practice makes perfect”
Let them learn to be responsible for certain things. At the age of 2 teach them to greet and use polite words like please, sorry, and thank you.
At 3 they should be able to place their toys in the toy basket. They should be able to put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
Stop saying he/she is too small, they can’t remember. Really?
But they can remember the name of their favorite cartoon channel and accurately sing the theme song of all their favorite cartoons.
Stopover pampering your kids, let them have a sense of responsibility at a very little age.
Zero decision-making skills
When you always do things for your kids, you leave them with little or no decision-making skills.
At a very young age take your child to the mall, ask them to choose their favorite cereal.
Limit their screen time, they should learn to decide which cartoon to watch and which to let go of. As their screen time is limited.
Don’t always do all the thinking for them, they also need to learn to do things themselves.
For instance; On Saturday
Mom: Joel I can’t find your spiderman socks in your laundry basket.
Joel: (no response)
Mom: Joel where is your socks?
Joel: Mom, it’s somewhere. It is not dirty (Singing PJ masks theme song).
Joel: Mom I can’t find my spider man socks; I need to wear them today.
Mom: no response
Mom: You told me it clean, go pick it up and wear it.
Joel: But I don’t know where it is.
Mom: And I asked you to bring it but you said it clean.
Joel: I’m sorry mom, I didn’t know it is missing please help me find it.
Mom: Sorry love but this is the consequence of the decision you made on Saturday. Go and wear other stockings you can’t be late for school.
Joel might cry and not speak to you throughout the car ride. However, the truth is he has learned a very important lesson on decision-making.
The next time he has to choose between PJ masks or looking for his favorite stockings. He will remember this incident and head straight to look for his stockings.
When you over-pamper kids, they grow up to become adults who feel entitled to everything.
They believe that the world revolves around them and things should happen as they seem fit. And when things don’t happen the way they deem fit, they tend to it their way without minding who they hurt in the process.
Creation of a bully
An over-pampered child can become a bully. As they feel like they can get away with anything they do.
Their parents always come to their rescue hence, they can do anything to anybody.
Other negative effects of over pampering a child include;
- Inability to deal with life situations
- Generation of over-pampered kids
- Emotional detachment
4 ways to stop over-pampering your child?
- Learn to say no
- Both partners should be a united force in dealing with their kids
- Explain the new procedure to the child from the onset.
- Be patient
Over pampering your children will make them think that the whole world is revolving around them.
They might not considerate or contented with what they have. In most cases, they will become greedy, and when somebody is greedy, we all know the resultant effect.
The person will always want to get more and this leads to prostitution, armed robbery, and kidnappers.
Parents should decide to change for their children and train them the proper way even if it hurts. In order to avoid raising a child that will end up being a disgrace or reliability to the society at large.
What are your thoughts concerning this issue? Do you over-pamper your children?
Is it good or bad to over-pamper your child?
Let’s talk about these in the comment section.
Just like every other bad character, with proper guidance over pampering can be managed.