Are there right and wrong relationships? What makes one right and the other wrong?
Why do some relationships find peace, comfort, and possibly a home? Whereas others are filled with chaos, trouble, quarreling, comparison, envy, and jealousy.
What’s one couple doing right that the other couple is getting wrong?
The funniest part about a toxic relationship is the wrong signs are always visible.
You got that unsettling feeling that gave you chills about him/her.
But the idea of being “in love” didn’t give you a chance to read the writing on the wall.
Some people read the writing but choose to be the catalyst that changes the toxic individual.
But you forget that you can’t change an adult without their consent. Anyone that wants to change must make a personal decision else it will be fruitless.
Here’s an example
If you are dating a guy and he almost hit you, then he apologizes at that instant.
This can be a sign that he’s a potential woman beater. If he can hit you when you are not married to him, What makes you think he won’t hit you when you are.
Toxic relationships always show little signs, but most times, we are in love with the concept of “being in love” so it’s hard to notice.
For example, a lady that drinks excessive alcohol and blames it on work pressure. What happens when family pressure sets in? Will she become an alcoholic?
If you are already in a bad relationship, it’s time to make a hard decision. Will you leave or will you stay and endure?
If you choose to leave, you need to forgive yourself, we have all made mistakes. Forgive yourself and find the courage you need to walk out of the relationship.
However, if you are married then, you need to see a therapist and try to fight for your marriage.
If you are in an abusive marriage, find the courage to speak up and seek help. There are so many centers that dedicate their time and resources to help women fight against domestic violence.
How do you know you are in the wrong relationship?
Before we talk about the different signs to identify a wrong relationship. Let’s briefly talk about the 2 major ways to identify a toxic relationship.
There’s a popular saying that actions speak better than words. Of course, the statement is a fact, but words are also very powerful.
When you are in a wrong relationship, a lot of things your partner says hurt, depresses, and humiliates you.
They use demeaning words in public and private.
It’s a fact that actions hurt but that doesn’t mean words have a lesser impact. Words keep ringing in our heads and it could become a subconscious mantra that affects your life forever.
There are things that your partner does that should ignite your thinking cap and make you ask the following questions
- Does he/she really love me?
- If he loves me, will he do this?
- Is this what loving her will be like?
You need to ask the hard questions and give truthful answers. You can lie to people but can you lie to yourself forever?
Signs to show that you are in a wrong relationship
1. Never apologizes
A partner that never apologizes when he/she is wrong is toxic.Some partners apologize in anger while looking for ways to get back at you
Don’t ever stay in a relationship where “sorry” is a hard word.
2. Always plays the victim card
Have you ever had a friend, sibling, or parent that is talented in the act of playing the victim card?
No matter how wrong they are, they turn the situation around to feel like the victim.
This is a very toxic relationship, it is wrong to stick with someone like this.It will only lead to mental and emotional exhaustion.
This kind of relationship will have negative effects on the kids when you get married.
3. Offers no support
A partner that offers no mental, financial, spiritual, and intellectual support is of no use to you.
If you come to him/her with a problem, they have no solution or advice to help you. This isn’t a good quality of a great partner.
A partner that doesn’t support your dreams but tries hard to bring you down is not someone you should be with.
4. Use harsh words constantly
Do not tolerate the use of harsh words, don’t even tolerate it from yourself because it is harmful to your health.
Keep empowering yourself, celebrate your strengths, embrace your flaws and try to fix them.
5. Never compliment you
Compliments show that they notice you, they see your little efforts.
It doesn’t really have to be your hair, clothes, or make-up. It can be your skills in handling issues at work or your cooking skills.
6. Always complains about you to third parties
If there is a problem that arises, it is the duty of both parties to discuss and settle the issue.
However, if your partner constantly takes your issues to discuss with a third party.
This could be a sign that the relationship is wrong.
Third-party in a relationship is a crowd, learning to settle issues among yourselves.
An autocratic partner does not listen to anything you say, they make rules and expect you to follow them.
Except you want a military rule as a relationship you need to quit as soon as possible.
8. Zero sense of humor
Someone that’s always serious, that lacks the ability to laugh about your flaws or pettiness is a no-no.
If you have to explain every joke themat joke has lost its humour.
9. Lack of understanding
If your partner does not understand you enough to know what you can or cannot do, you need to put up the stop sign.
This is a very wrong relationship.
Occasional anger is understandable, everybody gets angry sometimes. However, if your partner gets angry every single day for little mistakes.
It is time to say “boy bye or girl bye”
Pack up and leave because this might lead to an abusive relationship.
A partner that doesn’t know how to forgive is a big no!
As humans we make a lot of mistakes, a relationship is an affair between two humans, so it can’t survive when one party needs a year to forgive one mistake.
12. Physical abuse
Just quit! There are no more words to say other than this is a very wrong relationship.
13. Hates your friends and family
Do you have a partner that always complains about your friends and family, he/she never wants to see them around you.
That’s quite funny, they were always around before your partner.
Who’s leaving will be more convenient? Your family or the newbie? It’s your choice to make.
14. Jealous of your success
This is not a trait in a relationship, your partner should be your number 1 fan, not a rival.
Even if you are both competitors, a partner should celebrate your win not envy your successes.
15. Disapprove of all your ideas
Every human is entitled to their ideas, beliefs, and opinions.
No matter how stupid an opinion sound there may be a uniqueness to it.
A partner that always disapproves of all your ideas should get a mannequin or a partner, not thinking and speaking human.
16. Never seeks your opinion
A partner that never seeks your opinions on matters including issues that concern you is not an ideal partner.
17. Compares you with other people
When our parents or friends compare us with other people, we get upset.
If your partner derives joy in comparing you with everyone else that’s a big deal-breaker.
Always remember that people’s pace and time are not the same and one person will not be good at everything.
Everybody has an area of specialization!
18. Lack a sense of appreciation
An unappreciative partner should not be a matter of discussion. It is definitely a wrong relationship.
19. Criticize and reprimand you in public
We make mistakes and we need people that can be truthful to us about our flaws. However, it doesn’t have to be a public embarrassment.
If your partner always criticises you in public, he/she does not do it from a place of love.
20. Always bring up past mistakes
Not everyone is proud of their past mistakes. Hence, they hate talking about it.
A partner that always brings up your past mistakes is not a great choice.
21. Gives you no personal space
If there is no room for personal space in a relationship. A lot of people will book the next available flight out of that relationship.
How about you?
22. You do all the work of building the relationship
If you are always buying gifts, celebrating birthdays, planning trips or dates.
At some point, it might get exhausting, frustrating, and annoying.
23. You avoid them when you’re in a crisis
Can your partner handle crises or do they escalate the situation? Do you run to someone else when a serious matter arises?
Answer the question yourself.
24. Always fighting
If you are always fighting, you do not need a prophet to tell you that the relationship might not work.
A serious default in communication might be the cause of the fights.
25. You both have an opposite lifestyle
An extreme extrovert and an introvert may not be a perfect ideal relationship, especially if both are not willing to compromise, sacrifice and learn.
What do you think?
26. Work is their top priority
Work is great, hard work is admirable. However, if your partner prioritizes work over you everytime. You might have issues in the near future.
27. Don’t offer to help you
No sensible man/lady will watch you work so hard without offering any form of assistance.
If your partner doesn’t offer to help or doesn’t assist even when you ask. It’s time to take a bow and walk out the door.
28. Have no other hobbies
If your partner has no hobbies other than texting or calling you round the clock.
You need to run as this might be a potentially obsessive relationship.
29. It is hard to have fun with them
A relationship without fun will be boring, filled with routines, and totally uninteresting.
If you like this kind of relationship then you are free to hang around.
30. Insecure around them
Your relationship should provide the highest form of security to you.
You should be able to run into it when the world feels cruel or tiring.
However, if it is responsible for the insecurity you face, you need to run away from it.
31. Exhausting to be around
Some people are physically and mentally exhausting to be around.
There are proven ways to avoid a physically-exhausting person; however, a mentally-exhausting person can be very detrimental to your emotional and mental health.
32. Always need to seek permission
While growing up you had to ask for permission from your parents. Are you back at your parent’s house?
Is this a lover or a parent, let’s set the facts straight
There’s nothing wrong with communicating about your whereabouts, what you did and didn’t do, your plans etc.
However, if you need your partner permission to do everything this could lead to an autocratic relationship.
33. Always careful around them
Do you always feel like you are walking on eggshells around them? This is a wrong relationship!
A healthy relationship should be relaxing and supportive, it shouldn’t be a rerun of a courtroom session.
34. Impractical and hurtful jokes
When people make jokes about you that are hurtful, no matter how hard you laugh it’s fake.
You are only trying to cover up the pain.
How much more when it is done by someone who claims to love you?
35. Exhibits an aggressive behavior
Doess your partner exhibit active or passive aggressive habits?This is a clear sign of an abusive partner.
You should get rid of this relationship.
36. Refuse to meet friends and family
Why don’t they want to meet your friends and family?
These are the most important people in your life and if they take you seriously, they will want to meet them.
37. Feel fake around them
Do you feel the need to change or fake your character when you are with a partner?
This is a sign of a toxic relationship.
In a relationship, you should feel at home, not like you’re in court.
38. Always feel lonely around them
When you are together trying to connect but you still feel lonely.
You don’t need a soothsayer to tell you that something is definitely wrong.
Most people in a marriage are suffering from that today. What could be the problem? Does it mean that you guys are not compatible or something went wrong somewhere?
If the relationship is worth saving, you need to seea marriage therapist.
39. No definition of the relationship
If you have been in a relationship with someone for more than 4 years. And they are saying nothing about the future.
You need to have “the discussion”
The dreaded discussion where you ask the question “what are we”?
40. Can’t share your true feelings
Who do you tell your true feelings to? Are you scared that he/she might get upset if you explain your feelings to them?
If your answer is yes then, you are in the wrong relationship.
41. Never agrees
When your partner never agrees with what you say but always wants you to accept theirs. This is an unbalanced relationship.
A couple must learn to agree, It is a relationship not a debate competition.
42. No noticeable personal growth
Have you noticed any personal growth after a few years in the relationship?
No improvement in your life, no growth in your business, nothing at all.
You might be in the wrong relationship.
43. Can’t picture them in your future
If you can’t picture your future with your partner then why should you continue with the relationship?
Expect you are not really planning a future life with them.
44. Overthink everything
If you have a partner that overthinks everything and makes everything seem negative, then you’re in the wrong relationship.
For instance, if you want to hang out with your friends. But he starts thinking it’s because you don’t enjoy his company anymore.
This could be a clear indication of a wrong relationship.
45. Attraction suddenly fades
When attraction fades for your partner what else is left in the relationship. This might mean that the relationship is on the verge of falling apart.
A relationship without attraction will become really boring and uneventful.
46. Always making unrealistic promises
If your partner always makes promises that he never keeps. Take a bow and leave that relationship.
Don’t stick to a partner that keeps making promises that he/she will never redeem.
If they made a mistake, that’s understandable, but it shouldn’t be a regular lifestyle.
47. Different core values
Your core values should align with your partner. If it doesn’t, you are bound to have issues.
Core values are the standards or principles with which you live your life. They set the foundation for your life stability.
A relationship with opposite core values will result in misunderstanding and lots of opposition.
48. You feel interested in another person
Do you suddenly feel interested in another person? What happened to the love of your life that you were crazy about?
If you are in a relationship with someone but you start feeling an attraction for someone else, then something is wrong.
If you cannot rely or depend on your partner in a difficult or tough time. This is a clear indication that the relationship is wrong.
A relationship should offer help, comfort, and support.
50. Always need to explain yourself
Are you always explaining yourself to your partner because you don’t want him/her to get angry or upset?
There is nothing wrong with clarifying your partner sometimes. But when it becomes habitual then you are obviously not in the right relationship.
51. If you are asking this question
If you are probably asking this question “I’m in the wrong relationship. Then there is a very high possibility that the relationship isn’t right for you
For you to think about this, it shows that to an extent you already know that the relationship isn’t right for you.
A relationship should be a home of love, peace, freedom, and forgiveness.
It shouldn’t be a house of chaos, pretense, and total unforgiveness.
If you experience more than 5 of the above signs.
Then it is very clear that you are in the wrong relationship.